Why ADHD Regulation Works Better Than Chasing Symptoms
Most people with ADHD have tried to fix their symptoms one by one. They work on sleep for a while, then move on to organization, then to emotional regulation, then to RSD, then to executive functioning. They make a little progress in one area, another area flares up, and suddenly they're back at the beginning, exhausted and wondering why nothing ever seems to stick.
This episode makes the case that chasing individual ADHD symptoms is the wrong approach, and that ADHD nervous system dysregulation is the common thread running through all of them.
When the nervous system is stuck in fight-or-flight mode, it affects everything. Not in a vague, interconnected-wellness way, but literally: the same state that makes you snap at your partner is the one that makes it hard to start tasks, the one that drives late-night eating, the one behind the paralysis that looks like laziness from the outside. These symptoms feel unrelated because they show up in different areas of life. They're not, and treating them separately is like digging 100 one-foot wells. Same amount of effort, no water.
What the episode covers:
Why ADHD symptom management that targets one symptom at a time keeps you spinning without real progress
How fight-or-flight ADHD affects executive functioning, including the ability to prioritize, plan, and follow through
The connection between ADHD nervous system dysregulation and emotional dysregulation, and why one is the source, and one is the trickle-down
What rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is in nervous system terms, and why your threat response fires at criticism before your brain can assess whether it's really a threat
How relationship struggles with ADHD, including snapping at the people closest to you, connect to a nervous system that's been performing all day
Why ADHD and binge eating, disordered eating, and appetite dysregulation are all regulation issues, not willpower issues
What ADHD overwhelm and paralysis have in common with the freeze response, and why motivating your way out of paralysis doesn't work
The difference between depth work and breadth work, and why working on fewer things longer creates more change than working on many things a little
The argument Jenna makes here is not subtle. When you shift from ADHD regulation vs symptom chasing as a question to regulation as the actual focus, all of those symptoms shift with it. Sleep improves. Relationships improve. Work improves. Food becomes a non-issue. You don't have to add a 31st thing to your list. You replace the list with a single thing that affects it all.
"When you work on regulation instead of symptoms, you're not adding a 31st thing to your plate. You're actually working on the one thing that will help all 30 symptoms."
Jenna's ADHD regulation groups are reopening on the evening of August 5th (Mountain Time). This is where she works with you and a small group to retrain your nervous system to function from a more regulated state. Get the details here.
If you're a therapist, counselor, coach, or occupational therapist who wants to bring this work into your practice, get on the waitlist for the ADHD Regulation Method certification, launching in September 2026.
Another resource for you is Jenna's book, The Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation, available wherever books are sold. Don't forget you can also check your local library.
Connect with Jenna
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More about ADHD with Jenna Free
ADHD with Jenna Free is a podcast for adults with ADHD who are done surviving their symptoms and ready to start thriving with ADHD without the endless tips, hacks, and workarounds that have never really fixed anything.
Hosted by Jenna Free, a Canadian Certified Counselor (CCC) and ADHD therapist, this show exists to give you a completely different way of understanding ADHD in adults and the signs of ADHD in women. Because the reason you're stuck, overwhelmed, and exhausted isn't a lack of willpower, it's that your brain is running in fight or flight. And once you understand that, everything changes.
This podcast covers the full experience of living with adult ADHD: the real science behind procrastination in ADHD and ADHD task paralysis, ADHD executive functioning strategies that work, why ADHD and perimenopause collide in ways no one talks about, and the honest, solution-focused conversations that most ADHD podcasts aren't having. Jenna also shares her own story, what it looks like to go from chronically dysregulated to genuinely thriving, so you can see that this is possible for you.
This show gives women with ADHD, and anyone who has ever wondered whether ADHD can be diagnosed in adulthood, a path forward that isn't about coping harder, but healing.
I’ll answer questions like:
Do I have ADHD?
What is ADHD task paralysis, and how do I get unstuck?
Why is my ADHD getting worse in my 40s?
What does ADHD and perimenopause do to your brain?
How do I manage ADHD emotional dysregulation without medication alone?
Why do I procrastinate so much with ADHD?
Why don't ADHD tips and tricks ever work long-term?
What does it look like to thrive with ADHD
Can you heal ADHD symptoms without just white-knuckling through life?
What does nervous system regulation have to do with ADHD?
How do I stop feeling overwhelmed with ADHD?
If you're an adult with ADHD who's tired of the commiseration and ready for a show that believes your life can look completely different, you're in the right place.
The unedited transcript for this episode of ADHD with Jenna
ADHD Regulation Groups Announcement
Jenna Free [00:00:53 - 00:01:32]: I don't have an exact time at the moment. Okay. But probably around 7 PM Mountain Time, we will be opening the doors to the next round of ADHD regulation groups. This is where I work with you and a small group hand in hand through the process of retraining your nervous system to function from a more regulated state. And what's so cool about that is you get win-win-win-win-win results from that. There is no downside to regulation. And it will help you lower your symptoms, increase your executive functioning, make life so much more enjoyable, richer. You're going to be less resentful, less frustrated.
The Benefits of Regulation
Jenna Free [00:01:32 - 00:02:20]: Just, oh, it's really a breath of fresh air. And I will reassure you, because this is one of the main concerns, you will be more productive and be able to frankly be more successful as a regulated ADHDer than you ever were with this kind of frantic approach that we will naturally take when we're in fight or flight. It's very normal. It's not our fault, and we can work on it. So that is opening soon. That being said, before we start, I would love to do a little regulation check-in. How are you feeling? Are you rushing right now? Are you feeling impatient? Are you driving, swerving through traffic? Are you rushing around your house trying to get stuff done? Oh, slow down. You are not getting chased by a bear.Jenna Free [00:02:20 - 00:02:43]: You are okay. Drop those shoulders. Hmm. Even one deep breath can really help the nervous system remember, oh yes, no danger here. So just checking in with you on that. Okay. So the chasing symptoms problem. This is something that comes up time and again, particularly in ADHD coaching or therapy.
The Chasing Symptoms Problem
Jenna Free [00:02:44 - 00:03:12]: You know, clients show up with a real plethora of struggles. We have executive functioning, which results in a lot of forgetfulness, in a lot of inability to prioritize, plan, perceive time, think ahead, a lot of different things. Organization can be a struggle. Sleep can be difficult. Relationships can have hardship just as anyone else. We can have food or weight concerns. Hmm. Overwhelm, paralysis.
Variety of ADHD Struggles
Jenna Free [00:03:12 - 00:03:52]: There's just so much going on and we're coming to coaching or therapy, just feels like a real grab bag of things to work on. So as therapists or coaches, if you are working with ADHD clients or you are an ADHD client of a therapist or coach, you're often going to see that we're treating each symptom separately. One session we're talking about organization. The next session we're working on sleep hygiene. The next session. This trouble in a relationship that came up and I'm feeling rejection sensitivity. Then we're back to organization because the house is so dysregulating, it's all I can focus on. And then round and round we go.
The Exhaustion of Chasing Symptoms
Jenna Free [00:03:53 - 00:05:06]: And it's really exhausting for both the therapist and the client, and it's absolutely not the client's fault whatsoever. We just want to observe what's happening because it can feel like we're not getting anywhere. We're kind of just spinning around in circles. Hoping something will stick. And so even if you're in long-term therapy or long-term coaching, you really may feel like I've skipped around from problem to problem and there hasn't been any huge impact in the results, like actual change, because we're so disjointed, right? I haven't focused on one thing long enough to see change. But here's the difference, and here's the thing we want to think about. Oh, what if my experience is not 30 different problems and symptoms, but one? Because every one of those symptoms and everything we just talked about, and there's many, many more, is all rooted in the same place, and that is a nervous system stuck in fight or flight. So the way ADHD is spoken about publicly in content from other creators or even other professionals is it really does sound like a hodgepodge collection of hardships.
The Core Problem: Chronic Dysregulation
Jenna Free [00:05:06 - 00:05:34]: We've got this random thing I struggle with and this other thing I struggle with, but it's all chronic dysregulation. At least it's all connected and worsened by dysregulation. ADHD is very real. We have a brain difference. That is a thing that I can see even in myself as a more regulated ADHDer. I still see that I have ADHD. However, it feels very dialed back, at least the hardship. Yeah.
Regulation and Symptom Relief
Jenna Free [00:05:34 - 00:06:26]: side of it with regulation. So when I say there's one problem and it's all tied to one root, I'm not saying we're only dysregulated and the ADHD isn't real, but I am saying they all do have their little fingers in dysregulation, as in this is going to be worsened when we're dysregulated. And some of the symptoms I have seen can go away. With regulation. So some are purely dysregulation. So when you treat the dysregulation and not the 30 seemingly arbitrary symptoms, you will make headway because you are working on one thing longer-term. However, what's so cool is those 30 things will follow suit. All of those create a bit of change as you go.
Focusing on Regulation Over Symptom Chasing
Jenna Free [00:06:26 - 00:07:08]: So you don't have to be flitting from one symptom to the next. You can dial in a little bit more systematically just to nervous system regulation, and that will affect sleep, relationships, organization, executive functioning, paralysis, all the stuff we do bring to therapy or coaching and are trying to make better. And I say a lot in this work, even to say group members when we're doing this program, Is we want to go depth, not breadth. You don't want to be working on a lot of things a little bit. We want to be working on smaller amount of things. Less is more. One is even better. And work on it in depth.
The Power of Depth Over Breadth
Jenna Free [00:07:08 - 00:07:39]: Depth is the only way to create change. Breadth, meaning wide and shallow, same amount of effort, no outcome. And I had a client email me. She was just talking about Hobbies. So she wasn't using it in this way, but this was a really good analogy. She said, I feel like I'm digging 100 1-foot wells. She was pursuing so many little different hobbies and activities, but not getting anywhere profound with any of them. But that's the same with regulation work or even therapy or coaching for ADHD.
The Well Analogy
Jenna Free [00:07:40 - 00:08:12]: If you are digging 100 1-foot wells, you have no water. You have no functioning wells, but you've still dug 100 feet. Yeah. What we want to do is shift to, okay, I want one working well. Let me keep digging this one well for 100 feet. Same amount of effort, way more bang for your buck. And that is how I see working on regulation versus working on symptom chasing. Here's a few examples of how that might look in session, whether it be coaching or therapy for ADHD, things you might bring up or your clients might bring up.
Understanding Emotional vs. Nervous System Dysregulation
Jenna Free [00:08:12 - 00:08:42]: That is related to dysregulation. So first let's talk about emotional dysregulation. Now, maybe you've thought I've been talking about emotional dysregulation this whole time, but I have not. I am talking nervous system dysregulation, and that is different from emotional dysregulation. Nervous system dysregulation is the core. It's the source of the disruption. Emotional dysregulation is like the symptom of that. Oh, my emotions are very big.
Emotional Dysregulation as a Symptom
Jenna Free [00:08:42 - 00:09:16]: Maybe they're hard to quote unquote control. And that is more of a trickle-down symptom, not the core. So, but we might work on that. So when we're in fight or flight, dysregulated, that nervous system, it's in fight or flight, it makes emotions bigger. It makes us much quicker to big emotions. It makes us more defensive, more reactive, more snappy, more irritable. More impatient. So we might call that emotional dysregulation and go into therapy and coaching saying, oh, this is such an issue, maybe in your relationships, and I want to work on it.
Addressing the Source of Emotional Responses
Jenna Free [00:09:17 - 00:10:06]: And what we do is try to control the response and the expression as opposed to the source of that defensiveness, of that quick to anger, of that, you know, impatience. Yeah. And that is the nervous system. So for the emotional side of things, we can see how that is a part of nervous system dysregulation. If we can work on that, it will naturally make emotional dysregulation softer. And a part of working on all of these symptoms, just a little side note, is believing it can get better. Because as a therapist or a coach, or as a client, You may be a little bit rigid in your ideas of what can change for an ADHDer. You might think, well, this is just how I am.
Change Is Possible for ADHDers
Jenna Free [00:10:07 - 00:10:39]: We're just emotionally dysregulated when we have ADHD. Nothing I can do about it. That is not true. It absolutely can be improved. You can feel much less reactive, much less volatile, much calmer, and it really is a more enjoyable experience. So the next is a bit similar, but it's RSD, rejection sensitive dysphoria. So RSD is a turned-up flight or fight response. I feel unsafe typically in a social interaction or a social situation, whether it be your partner, with your kids, with any person.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)
Jenna Free [00:10:39 - 00:11:15]: We feel the brain treats criticism or perceived rejection like a physical danger. So I understand it's a very visceral response. It feels super uncomfortable. We can be very reactive and become defensive or avoid or run away, right? Fight, flight, freeze, fawn. And that's just kind of the instinct when we feel that, but that is not because you're too sensitive, quote unquote. That is not inevitable. That is a threat response firing. Your nervous system going, oh my God, this is unsafe.
RSD as a Threat Response
Jenna Free [00:11:16 - 00:11:55]: This person criticizing me is unsafe. This person— we can really feel rejection in the tiniest slight, right? This person's tone of voice. Oh my gosh, I'm not safe because they might not like me. And you might go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, right? The people pleasing, feeling unsafe if everyone doesn't like me. What an exhausting way to live. So of course it's something we may want to work on, and maybe you've brought it to a session, or maybe you've worked with a client on this, and it just feels like, well, what are we going to really do? It's just how you feel. It's just how you are, but it's not. That is a nervous system being triggered to a very heightened degree.
Improvement Is Possible with Regulation
Jenna Free [00:11:56 - 00:12:36]: And that feeling is very real, but it can get much better. All right, next, all of these are kind of tied into the emotional social piece, and we'll get more into the executive functioning in a minute, but relationship struggles, especially just like a little kid. I'm sure you've heard this before, you know, kid goes to school all day. They're really, you know, focusing, working hard, using a lot of willpower, maybe not reacting as big as they would've otherwise, kind of aware of social norms and things like that. And they get home, oh my God, then they're tired. They just wanna let their guard down. They're having meltdowns. They're really reactive.
Relationship Struggles and Regulation
Jenna Free [00:12:37 - 00:13:03]: It's intense. So when our willpower has kind of run out by the end of the day, we might be like that too. Yeah. Right? A little bit more reactive, more snappy with our partner when, you know, we would've given our coworker more grace than we're giving our kids and our partner. Okay. This is the fight or flight response. Defensiveness, shutting down, avoiding, snapping, withdrawing, impatience. Okay.
Improving Relationships Through Regulation
Jenna Free [00:13:03 - 00:13:53]: So you and whoever you're in a relationship with, again, parent, child, barista, partner, sister, it doesn't matter who it is. One or both of you could even be dysregulated, which conflict then gets misread as unsafe, so uncomfortable that we want to avoid it until we blow up. Creates a lot of turmoil where if we work on nervous system regulation, honestly, I really actually recommend this for couples therapy and hope to develop this at some point. But if 2 people are in fight or flight, my God, try to work through anything. It's almost impossible. But if we can get you regulated, even if the other person isn't, this is the thing. You do not need to both be regulated to have benefits from this. If you can get regulated, all your relationships will improve.
The Power of One-Sided Regulation in Relationships
Jenna Free [00:13:54 - 00:14:37]: It is amazing. Even if it's just on your side, that's what's so powerful. They might do their dysregulated thing, but when you are not being triggered like that because your nervous system knows, hey, I'm okay, even if they're not doing things the way I would do it, I can kind of address it much more calmly and thoughtfully and mindfully instead of reacting. Yeah. And I know a lot of us, especially relationship-wise, and, and maybe with kids is the strongest, but with anybody, after everyone's in bed, it's like, ugh, I was so hard on them today, or I wish I hadn't yelled so much, or I wish I'd been more patient or spent more quality time. I get it. But that is a regulation issue, not a, you know, I'm not saying the right things or whatever it is. Yeah.
Work Struggles and Regulation
Jenna Free [00:14:38 - 00:15:29]: Okay. The next might be work struggles. Maybe as an ADHDer, you are coming to your sessions with, oh my gosh, I would love some relief around work. Perhaps you are anxious about work all the time and can't stop thinking about it. Maybe you waste a lot of time scrolling, you can't face your work, and then it's the last minute and you're getting stuck in these cycles of avoidance and then intensity. Perhaps you're nearing burnout and there's a lot of things going on. That you're labeling probably as laziness, getting frustrated with yourself that you can't do it when a person working in fight or flight is going to be the most efficient version of themselves, is going to be exhausted even when they don't get much done, is going to be lower in executive functioning. So you're not going to be as good at prioritizing, planning, logical thinking, creative thinking.
Benefits of Regulation at Work
Jenna Free [00:15:30 - 00:16:14]: Oh my goodness. Work, I am telling you. improves immensely with regulation work. So this is actually my next endeavor is I'm working with companies and working with teams in the workplace to regulate people of all brain types, to increase productivity, to increase output, but also enjoyment, prevent burnout, and all of that good stuff. So it really is a win-win as well with work. Perhaps you're bringing organizational problems to your sessions. And you're thinking, oh, I just need a good system to organize my calendar. I just need a good system to declutter my home, thinking that there's some sort of external tool that's going to magically make it all better.
Organization Challenges and Dysregulation
Jenna Free [00:16:15 - 00:16:52]: But that is not the case. If you are in fight or flight, no amount of external strategy will make up for that. Because when we're in fight or flight, you are going to have less executive functioning. So, and that includes organization of time, of things. So it will be harder, but also a brain in survival mode deprioritizes a lot that's not absolutely essential. So what I have seen a huge shift in is if you're an ADHDer who, you know, you tend to just leave stuff everywhere, just wherever you are, you put it down. You never put things away. I'll put this away later.
Regulation Improves Organization
Jenna Free [00:16:53 - 00:17:23]: That is a sign that you're dysregulated, right? I'm in such a rush. I don't have time to ever put anything away. And then I'm so frustrated when things aren't put away. When we're more regulated, you're going to find you can really see things out to the end much more often. You're not as in a rush. You're like, oh, I have time to go walk the extra 10 steps and put that in the drawer it belongs in. So there's a lot of function changing that will occur when you're regulated that helps with organization. You can also think more clearly.
Regulation Supports Decluttering and Clarity
Jenna Free [00:17:23 - 00:18:01]: You're going to be less overwhelmed. Be able to chip away perhaps at decluttering as opposed to being so overwhelmed and stressed out by it that you don't even take action. And now I wanted to also bring up food and eating. I know binge eating and food can be a struggle for a dysregulated ADHDer. As someone who used to have very disordered eating for well over 10 years, I was an extreme dieter and binge eater. It was the bane of my existence. It was absolutely debilitating for 10 years. Would've probably been diagnosed as an eating disorder, but I thought that was just normal.
Food and Eating Struggles & Regulation
Jenna Free [00:18:01 - 00:18:34]: So I am telling you, regulation is the key here. When we are dysregulated, it changes appetite and impulse control. And of course, some people can't eat under stress. Some people stress eat, some forget to eat entirely. So food and eating struggles doesn't just mean overeating. Of course, our society thinks that's the worst type. But we can also have a hard time feeding ourselves, have a hard time eating regularly or eating enough as well. So both under and overeating patterns often will trace back to a dysregulated state.
Regulation Enables Healthy Relationship with Food
Jenna Free [00:18:35 - 00:19:02]: It's not about willpower, or it's not about, you know, not being smart enough to figure it out. I am happy to report I have been an intuitive eater now for over 12 years. Just food is a non-issue. You know, I eat or I don't when I'm not hungry. I'll eat when I'm hungry. I eat because things taste good, but I always really prioritize feeling good. And, you know, I tend not to overeat. I couldn't binge eat now if you paid me.
How Regulation Transforms Eating Patterns
Jenna Free [00:19:02 - 00:19:34]: Like, I think it's a literal physical impossibility because I am no longer in fight or flight. And of course I have a balanced, healthy relationship with food, but that's— regulation is at the core of that. You cannot have a healthy relationship with food if you're in fight or flight. Yeah. Because everything's so intertwined. All right. Last symptom that you might bring to a session or your client might bring to a session: overwhelm and paralysis. Now, these are, dare I say, maybe this is a little radical, almost purely dysregulation.
Overwhelm and Paralysis: Dysregulation at the Core
Jenna Free [00:19:35 - 00:20:17]: Paralysis is freeze, right? Fight, flight, freeze, fawn. I know this is a hot take, and I'm not saying this will be the case for every single person. But I do believe and have seen that that is a symptom that can be gone, that can be removed when we are regulated. And of course that takes time, but I personally have not been in paralysis for a good 2 years, and I used to live in it all day long, especially as a self-employed person for the past 10 years. My God, my workdays looked like a lot of laying on the couch doing nothing until the last moment. rushing around. No wonder it was never very successful until I got regulated. Paralysis dissipated.
Overwhelm-to-Paralysis Pipeline
Jenna Free [00:20:18 - 00:20:40]: Of course, I can still get overwhelmed, but it's usually very short-lived because I come back to my tools and I come back to regulation. So this is the nervous system shutting down and thinking, oh, this is safer than moving forward. Think deer in the headlights. It's very primal. It's very biological. You are not choosing this. You are not lazy. This has nothing to do with your conscious mind.
Compassion and the Path to Change
Jenna Free [00:20:40 - 00:21:09]: All of this is subconscious and nervous system reactions that you do not have control over. The only way you can have control over it is to get out of fight or flight. But in the moment, whatever's happening is happening. And so just give yourself a break, first of all. But secondly, this can get better. So I usually say it's like the overwhelm to paralysis pipeline. Like, are you always overwhelmed before you're in paralysis? I know I was. That was really like the tipping point would tip me over into paralysis.
Regulate, Don’t Shame Yourself Out of Paralysis
Jenna Free [00:21:10 - 00:21:51]: And so that's just a really interesting observation to make. But once you see paralysis as freeze, you can stop trying to motivate your way out of it or pressure yourself out of it or shame yourself out of it. And let's regulate your way out of it. Of course, that's a longer-term approach, but the band-aids don't work. The short-term stuff. You know, that peels off in 2 days and you're back where you started. Regulation work, I will say, as a form of coaching and therapy, is about healing and long-term lifelong change, not quick fixes and not just like what's going to get you through the week. But I mean, at this point, that is probably what most people are looking for.
Why Work on Regulation Instead of Symptoms
Jenna Free [00:21:51 - 00:22:36]: So when you work on regulation instead of symptoms, you're not adding a 31st thing to your plate. You're actually working on the one thing that will help all 30 symptoms. I'm using that number kind of randomly, but it's a lot. It's a lot of different angles that we want to get support in. When you start seeing, oh, all roads lead to a dysregulated nervous system, let's work on that. You are going to be digging a 100-foot well that is rich with water. Instead of 100 1-foot wells that feel exhausting and hopeless. This is why my ADHD groups exist, and this is why the ADHD Regulation Method certification exists.
ADHD Regulation Method Certification
Jenna Free [00:22:36 - 00:23:30]: If you're a coach or therapist, this is something that I will be starting in September. If you want to work this way with your clients instead of the whack-a-mole running around chasing symptoms approach. So as I mentioned, groups is reopening on the evening of August 5th, and the waitlist for ADHD Regulation Method certification is open. The program will start in September, but that is where you can put your name in to get more information. I know this might feel like, oh, well, you didn't tell us how to do it, but that's the dysregulation talking. Your dysregulation wants quick fixes, quick tips, and I'm here to spin your head around. Have you see things from a different way? If you made some connections here during this episode that you didn't see before, I've done my job. Like, oh my gosh, regulation instead of, you know, playing whack-a-mole with all these things coming up.
Mindset Shifts vs. Quick Tips
Jenna Free [00:23:31 - 00:23:55]: Oh, maybe that's what I want to do to move forward. If I took you one step in that direction, I'm really, really happy about that. You might not be. I totally get that. So if you're feeling some resistance of like, she didn't even say anything, just observe. Hmm. Am I looking for quick tips? Because I could have given you 50 things to try to regulate. And guess what? You'll go, oh, that's interesting, and carry on and do none of them because it's too much.
Takeaways and Next Steps
Jenna Free [00:23:56 - 00:24:26]: One mindset shift, that's doable. So I hope that's what you can take away from this today. If you do want to take next steps and you go, ooh, yes, I think this is the approach I want to take, go back to episode 1 of my podcast and listen through. There is a lot of actionable steps in there. Today was a little bit more of an awareness episode. There's a lot of things of, you know, how do I get started on this journey? And it is a journey. This does not happen overnight. You can also grab my book, The Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation, wherever books are sold.Jenna Free [00:24:26 - 00:24:34]: And of course, check out those programs I mentioned. The info for those will be in the show notes. So thank you so much for being here, and we'll see you next week.