5 Unexpected Benefits of ADHD Nervous System Regulation
You did the research. You found the strategies, tried the hacks, maybe even built some decent systems. And regulation kept coming up as the thing beneath it all. So you started doing the work, and something shifted. What you probably didn't expect was how far outside the original problem that shift would reach.
ADHD dysregulation symptoms don't stay in one lane. Chronic fight or flight affects how you handle criticism, how much patience you have for other people, what habits you reach for when you're stressed, and whether you can try something new without going all-in and burning out in three weeks. Which means that when the nervous system actually starts regulating, the changes show up in places you weren't even trying to fix.
This episode is Jenna walking through five things that changed after she got regulated, none of which were what she went in looking for. The goal was less paralysis and better executive functioning. What really happened was bigger than that.
Here's what we cover:
Why ADHD nervous system regulation affects far more than focus and productivity, and what the ripple effects really look like in daily life
How getting regulated led Jenna to stop drinking completely
The specific, quiet ways that caring less about what people think show up once your nervous system stops reading social situations as threats
How chronic ADHD dysregulation keeps you short on patience and grace, and why that changes when fight or flight isn't the default
Rejection sensitive dysphoria, RSD and ADHD, and how regulation made it possible to hear criticism without shutting down, including the piece of unkind feedback that led to a resource now downloaded by over 40,000 people
The ADHD hobby cycle: why going all-in and burning out is a dysregulation pattern, and what trying something new looks like from a regulated place
Why ADHD paralysis and survival mode feel permanent when you're inside them, and why they're not
None of these changes came from trying harder, but from the shift in operating conditions.
"Regulation work has affected every single part of my life, from parenting, relationships, hobbies, stress levels, really kind of coming into my own and living more in line with my genuine values."
If you're working on ADHD nervous system regulation, grab Jenna's free guide, The ADHD Regulation Guide.
Or if you have a therapist, coach, or anyone supporting you on your ADHD healing work, mention the ADHD Regulation Method to them. Ask if they've heard of it, and feel free to send them to the podcast or to jennafree.com. This work goes deeper when the people in your corner build on the same foundation.
And if you're a therapist, counselor, coach, or occupational therapist who wants to bring this work into your practice, get on the waitlist for the ADHD Regulation Method certification, launching in September 2026.
Connect with Jenna
Want more thriving with ADHD? Come hang out with me on Instagram
Get out of paralysis, be more productive, and enjoy your life again! Join an upcoming group
More about ADHD with Jenna Free
ADHD with Jenna Free is a podcast for adults with ADHD who are done surviving their symptoms and ready to start thriving with ADHD without the endless tips, hacks, and workarounds that have never really fixed anything.
Hosted by Jenna Free, a Canadian Certified Counselor (CCC) and ADHD therapist, this show exists to give you a completely different way of understanding ADHD in adults and the signs of ADHD in women. Because the reason you're stuck, overwhelmed, and exhausted isn't a lack of willpower, it's that your brain is running in fight or flight. And once you understand that, everything changes.
This podcast covers the full experience of living with adult ADHD: the real science behind procrastination in ADHD and ADHD task paralysis, ADHD executive functioning strategies that work, why ADHD and perimenopause collide in ways no one talks about, and the honest, solution-focused conversations that most ADHD podcasts aren't having. Jenna also shares her own story, what it looks like to go from chronically dysregulated to genuinely thriving, so you can see that this is possible for you.
This show gives women with ADHD, and anyone who has ever wondered whether ADHD can be diagnosed in adulthood, a path forward that isn't about coping harder, but healing.
I’ll answer questions like:
Do I have ADHD?
What is ADHD task paralysis, and how do I get unstuck?
Why is my ADHD getting worse in my 40s?
What does ADHD and perimenopause do to your brain?
How do I manage ADHD emotional dysregulation without medication alone?
Why do I procrastinate so much with ADHD?
Why don't ADHD tips and tricks ever work long-term?
What does it look like to thrive with ADHD
Can you heal ADHD symptoms without just white-knuckling through life?
What does nervous system regulation have to do with ADHD?
How do I stop feeling overwhelmed with ADHD?
If you're an adult with ADHD who's tired of the commiseration and ready for a show that believes your life can look completely different, you're in the right place.
The unedited transcript for this episode of ADHD with Jenna
Jenna Free [00:00:31]: Keep sharing these ideas, keep sharing the podcast. It really helps. And thank you so much for being here Today I am sharing five unexpected things that happened when I got regulated. So this is coming from a formerly struggling ADHDer, someone who was in chronic fight or flight, stuck in that frantic crash cycle, overwhelmed, living in paralysis almost constantly, and who now does not experience those things. I still have adhd. I still see it, I still feel it. I can proudly say I have a wonderful ADHD brain. But I certainly see a lot of positives have come out since I've done this regulation work, and some of it is completely related to why I started this journey in the first place.
From ADHD Survival Mode to Nervous System Regulation
Jenna Free [00:01:13]: So I started down the road of regulation as an ADHDer, personally, because I'd had it. I'd really hit a wall of, I cannot live this way anymore. And what this way was was survival mode. Just getting by, rushing to get everything over with so I could go lay down, stuck in paralysis a lot of the time, really feeling like I'm just keeping my head above water. It was not an enjoyable experience, and I was not enjoying my life. I know nearly as much as I could have been. All right, so the first thing that was completely unexpected from getting my system modified or flight was that I stopped drinking completely. So this did happen slowly.
Benefit 1: How Nervous System Regulation Changed My Relationship with Alcohol
Jenna Free [00:01:53]: Started with, knowing this does not make me feel good. I was never a big drinker. I will say I certainly never had a problem with it. But, you know, if we're going out for dinner, I'd have a cocktail or I'd have a glass of wine, and I'd always feel like crap after it. But I did it just because that's what you do. And it was like, fun for about literally three minutes. So I would do it, but the more regulated I got. What I find when regulation comes into the picture is like you're more inherently okay, so you're more easily able to go, hmm, are these things helping me or hurting me? Why am I doing this? And you kind of question your own behavior a little more because you're feeling more whole and more calm and more safe, if you will.Jenna Free [00:02:33]: So I started with, I'm gonna go one month, no drinking at all. See how that feels. Which probably prevented like four or five drinks from being ingested. But I was like, oh, that actually felt pretty good. And then I'm in Calgary, which we had the stampede after that month. So I had some drinks when I went out, and I'm like, I feel absolutely horrib. Horrible. This was not worth it at all.
Jenna Free [00:02:54]: That makes me question some things. And then I transitioned to what I called local sober. Okay, I'll just drink when I travel. I'm not going to drink at home. Then I went on a trip, and I was at the most beautiful hotel I've ever been at with my best friend for our birthday, and they gave us a glass of champagne. I had like half of it. I'm like, I feel worse than I did before. Why am I ruining this amazing moment with something that does not make me feel good? And so that was the last drink I had.
Jenna Free [00:03:24]: That was over a year and a half ago. And I know that that fact that I went, you know what? I'm not drinking anymore is solely because I'm regulated, because I just feel so okay all the time that I don't need something to mask that. And that is not to say all drinking is bad and everyone should stop drinking. I mean, we know it's not good for us, but we're all adults. You get to make your own choice. But that was just a kind of a cool choice that I came to solely because my nervous system is no longer needing soothing.
Benefit 2: ADHD Dysregulation and Caring What People Think
Jenna Free [00:03:24] (cont.): Number two, caring less what people think. So I'm have really more and more and more as the years go on, been letting go of things, and that's really having a much more clear picture of what do I care about and what do I want more versus, well, what will people think? I would say that what will people think question has gone further and further and further down my priority list as time goes on.Jenna Free [00:04:24]: I'm a human being, of course. If someone says something nasty to my face, I don't like that. If everyone's like, yeah, we hate you, that would give me pause. But going, oh, what might someone think about this thing I'm doing that I think is right for me? I don't really have those questions anymore. And that's been pretty cool. But what I've really seen it with is looks like I stopped dyeing my hair. My hair is going quite gray. Can't always see it in videos and things, but I'd say it's like 25% gray.
Jenna Free [00:04:52]: And at 36, that's. I think that's early to be Showing the gray hair. Not necessarily early to be having it, but I feel so comfortable with that decision. I really don't care what people think. It's my hair. I think it looks awesome. And I think it's a lot of work to dye your hair all the time. I don't get my nails done anymore.
Jenna Free [00:05:10]: I just leave them plain. That is something that I noticed. I'm like, that really makes not a big difference to me in my life and is quite expensive and takes time. So I went, eh, no more of that. And it's like still happening. I was going on a trip a couple months ago. I'm like, ew, what self tanner should I get? Because I'm out of my other one. Well, which one would be best? And what's gonna look streaky? And I went, why? Why get any at all? It's a good question.
Jenna Free [00:05:37]: Self. And so I've just decided no more of that. And it's just this really nice, almost like sloughing off of, oh, wait, why do I do that? Oh, wait, why do I do that? And it's just a questioning and then being honest with the answer. It's not gonna be the same for everybody. But you may find, oh, maybe there's one or two things that I am doing that I just think I should not because I truly want to. And it would be different for each person. But I do really prioritize taking care of myself, my mental health. Obviously, I'm very adamant about my regulation work.
Jenna Free [00:06:10]: That's my mental health work. I like to move my body. I'm not always like perfect about it, but even this week I haven't gotten to the gym at all. That's just felt like a bit much. But I've been trying to get outside more, get some steps in, you know, little something focusing on my true health and I guess aging instead of looking like I'm healthy or not aging is like actually being that. So I'm really focusing, you know, on building muscle as I head towards my 40s and things like that. So just observing. Hmm, yes.
Benefit 3: Kindness, Patience, and Living Outside Fight or Flight
Jenna Free [00:06:45]: Is there some dysregulation that kicks up a lot of things where I'm really worried what people think and if I were more regulated, oh, maybe I'd let go of this or that. It's really quite freeing. The third is my kindness and compassion and understanding and grace that I give others. So yes, grace for myself has improved greatly. Negative self talk is pretty damn low, if not non existent. Most times it's all a part of regulation. But I find I am so much more patient with other people. I'm so much more gracious.Jenna Free [00:07:27]: I really see people in such a, like, loving light. I understand that maybe not everyone deserves that, but I just get it more from others. Like, if someone's rushing through traffic, I'm like, that's a dysregulated person. What are they feeling? You know, know, instead of like, what an a hole. I just get it more because I understand dysregulation, and I'm really feeling safe and calm, so I'm not so judgmental of everybody. Two really strong instances I've seen of this one. I was in a gas station and the clerk there was stocking some stuff, like, right on the table or that little shelf right below, kind of right where you stand. And he's stalking stuff.
Jenna Free [00:08:14]: And I'm there, obviously waiting to be checked out. He just finishes his task. It's kind of like, in a curious way, like, that's a funny little character. Like, if I had had this job, I would get up and help the customer before I finish stalking all the stuff. And I'm like, he must just feel that he wants to get this thing done first. Okay. I'm not in a hectic rush all the time because I'm more regulated. So I'm so much more gracious to people.
Jenna Free [00:08:42]: Give them the benefit of the doubt. Let him finish his task. And then he came and he checked me out and everything was fine. It literally probably took 45 seconds or a minute longer than it would have otherwise. No one was hurt. Everything was fine. But how often are we. Oh, my God, he's so thoughtless.
Jenna Free [00:09:00]: Not good at his job. He doesn't even know his surroundings. Exhausting. I'm also really more able to observe when I'm getting defensive and try not to play that out. Like commenting on people's social media posts. If I don't agree with something, I just swipe away. Like, did you know you don't have to pick every fight. It's really freeing and really lovely, even.
Jenna Free [00:09:29]: I know I'm kind of going on a tangent, but I think just seeing what is the mirror, let's get a glimpse into what regulated life can feel like beyond just, like, lowering your ADHD symptoms and increasing your executive functioning. I just recently got on Goodreads, you know, tracking what I'm reading and sharing with a couple friends and stuff. And I looked at all the books I'm reading, and, like, people are vicious. Like, do they not realize the author is going to read this? Like, so nasty about, like, a novel that's for fun. This was a really predictable ending, like angry stuff. Holy moly. People. You could say like this wasn't the most gripping book I've ever read.
Jenna Free [00:10:12]: Sure. But it was Some is just absolutely like, you people sound angry. What's this about? I don't think this is about this novel. Right. So even the books I'm reviewing is like, if it was interesting enough that I finished the book, maybe this is not what Goodreads is for and you totally disagree. But like I give four or five stars and no comments, especially no nasty comments. It's like, hey, it was entertaining enough. I read it.
Jenna Free [00:10:41]: Cool. If it's an amazing book and I'm like, oh my gosh, I read this in one night, I might comment something really positive. But I have just seen that is a difference in me where it's just like naturally leaning to more gentle, kind grace understanding for others. Even if sometimes people irritate me. I can be so much more self reflective. Like I went to the airport and the whole row of people signing you in were just taking their sweet time. Oh my God, there's no sense of urgency here whatsoever. And at first that's irritating, right? Because I see things from my perspective.
Jenna Free [00:11:24]: Hurry up, I'm in a rush. But I went, ew, that's my dysregulation. Hey, props to them. They are not going to be burning out from their jobs. Like they are just taking things one step at a time and not in a panic. I was really reflecting and I'm like, oh, this is actually just a healthy way to work probably. It's not that they were being rude or not helping people, but they were kind of just accepting as like, hey, you know, I need a manager to come and they're going to take as long as they take. And you know, me panicking and freaking out about it is not going to make the move any faster.
Jenna Free [00:12:01]: It's not going to make this computer process any faster. Just going to do my job and do. And so my mind so quickly went from like, oh my gosh, these people are so slow to good for them. They're very regulated. And I will just say as a person going through life and through this world where we're going to come into so much friction with people and different people. Just having that natural understanding is a really just gentle way to live for yourself. Never mind. It's nice for others to not have you be rude and snippy and in a rush.
Jenna Free [00:12:38]: Even for yourself. It's like, oh, having that kindness and natural grace for others is really peaceful. All right. The fourth is I am so much more able to take on criticism or feedback and use it. I hear you and I feel ya. RSD used to be a thing for me. I remember in college, I would not read feedback on papers and assignments. It's like, why? It's done.
Benefit 4: RSD and ADHD - Hearing Criticism Without Shutting Down
Jenna Free [00:13:06]: I don't wanna be triggered. I don't wanna be upset that you thought my paragraph on this was poorly written. Like, who cares? It's done. Move on. But that dysregulation around any sort of feedback made me unable to grow and learn because I wouldn't even look at it. Of course, if I failed and someone gave me an opportunity to redo it, I might look like, what do I need to fix? But if there's nothing to be done on that one specific assignment, I would ignore it. But that's probably why I never got any better at writing papers and things like that. So now, as a more regulated person, I'm never perfect.Jenna Free [00:13:40]: I can still get a little bit defensive, even on the earlier point. I can still be annoyed at people for a minute, but I find it switches quite quickly. Same with this. I can be defensive for a second of, like, how rude. Someone, like, comments on one of my posts, Something not very nice. But a lot of times, like, within seconds, I can go, okay, you know, that's fine. I don't need to be defensive. If we're defensive, right on the defense, that inherently is a signal of, like, I'm unsafe.
Jenna Free [00:14:09]: I need to protect myself. Someone's saying, this is a comment I got quite a long time ago. You talk about regulation, but you don't really provide anything, like, useful or tell us how. And at first, of course, my little defensiveness is like, what do you mean? I give so much content, I'm sharing a lot. This is insightful stuff. My little ego is coming up, feeling unsafe. And I went, okay, I see I'm being defensive. Okay, let me hear.
Jenna Free [00:14:37]: Can I actually listen to what they're saying, even if it was rude? Is there anything here that's true. And I went, okay, well, could I create something to give people some steps to do this? I created my free guide. Now over 40,000 people have downloaded it. What a gift that person gave me of a great idea. And had I been too defensive and too dysregulated to hear them, my business might not be where it is now. So what a gift to be able to hear criticism and also to look through the delivery. I do not always get feedback delivered to me very kindly online that's okay, you know, it's not their job to be kind. Would it be preferred? Sure.
Jenna Free [00:15:24]: But sometimes we can look at feedback and go, okay, well, instead of saying, well, they were so rude about it, so I'm not going to listen to anything they say. It's like, okay, well, that was not a nice way to say that. But is there something valid in there? And sometimes the answer is going to be no. No, that is not valid. They do not understand my work. It's clear they don't want to. I will just carry on. So we can still perceive the criticism or the feedback without it crumbling us.
Jenna Free [00:15:51]: It could just be that is unuseful to me or that is something I don't need to listen to, or that is something insightful. There's a good point in there. Let me learn and grow and get better and better and better. And that's a pretty cool skill that comes naturally with regulation. So you don't need to just think, oh, I'm going to get a tougher skin and take feedback better. Let's get regulated so you don't feel as defensive, you don't feel unsafe hearing it.
Benefit 5: The ADHD Hobby Cycle and What Changes When You're Regulated
Jenna Free [00:15:51] (cont.): And number five, I have started a hobby and stuck with it for over a year. People.Jenna Free [00:16:26]: This is monumental. I have done so many endeavors in my life. I have tried every hobby there is to try. There's nothing inherently wrong with dipping your toe in a bunch of different things and not sticking with anything. That is your prerogative. You're an adult, you should do whatever you want. However, I can see that I was dysregulated, so I would kind of jump into things a little too intensely. It would run its course very quickly and I'd go, oh, that's too much work.
Jenna Free [00:16:53]: I'm too busy for that. Completely drop it and then carry on. And then when I felt like, oh, I'm bored, I don't need something to do, then I'd go into something else really intensely and then peter out and then drop it and start all over again. And that's kind of how I did things. I've done that with yoga. I've tried crochet, I've tried roller skating, sewing, tried many, many different things. What is really cool is, as a more regulated person, I've been able to try hobbies in a more sustainable way. So it's just like, let's dip my toe in and see if this is something I like.
Jenna Free [00:17:30]: It's much easier and pain free to remove yourself and decide something's not for you when you haven't Jumped in head first, right? You haven't bought every single supply you could ever need. You haven't spent tons of money. You haven't fooled yourself into thinking this is something I'm going to do for the next 10 years and act accordingly. And then you drop it. So I've been able to kind of dip my toe in and play with things like take a class. No, it's not really for me. Well, all I invested was the class. And the class was fun in and of itself.
Jenna Free [00:18:01]: It was an activity. But that's not something that I want to continue. But I have been playing tennis for over a year. I started slow and steady. I even bought my first racket at goodwill for like $6, going, I don't know if this is gonna be something I keep up with. So I'm gonna take some lessons, buy cheap racket. And then if it's not for me, it's not for me. But I kept doing it, kept going.
Jenna Free [00:18:24]: I started to enjoy it, started to get a bit of skill. Oh, this is kind of fun. Going more. And then I eventually I'm like, okay, is this something I think I'm gonna do for a little bit? So I bought a proper racket, proper sho. And then I've continued to go. Now I do twice a week, and my goal is to get up to three times a week by, you know, next fall or next year. This is something I'm like slowly building up. And I can see how it's so much more sustainable that way.
Why ADHD Paralysis and Survival Mode Are Not Permanent
Jenna Free [00:18:51]: It's not something I'm burnt out from and then quit. So if regulation has been on your radar, you're wondering, is it worth it? I am just here to tell you, as an adhder who is dysregulated, regulation work has affected every single part of my life, from parenting, relationships, hobbies, stress levels, how gracious I am with people, self care, really kind of coming into my own and living more in line with my genuine values as opposed to, you know, being afraid of what people think or what I should be doing. And that was all unexpected stuff, right? What I was going into it for was less stress, less paralysis, more executive functioning. And I got all that. Plus, so, so, so, so, so much more. So if you're really looking for something to work on that's going to affect everything, this is a really good bang for your buck. So that being said, if you have not listened to episode one of this podcast, I recommend you start there, go back to that one and go through the podcast. I would say is the resource that I provide.Jenna Free [00:20:04]: It gets the best feedback. Of course, this is a bigger, more nuanced topic. So it's not necessarily a quick fix, which people love podcasts about quick tips, tricks and hacks. But how much of that have you consumed and have you actually kept up with it? Sure, I'm sure you've found a couple little tweaks and tips that really did make an impact, but a lot of it is just information collecting what this podcast in this framework, the ADHD regulation method, what it's about is kind of turning everything on its head, having an entirely different perspective, seeing things in a new way and then going, okay, I think regulation is worth it, and then starting the process. So to get more specifics on the process, the free guide I have is a great resource. You can get that in the show Notes as well as my book that is out, the Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation has more specifics of the how to. So hopefully this was just an interesting window into the kinds of things that this work has a ripple effect to and what it can do for you. I have found it very freeing.
Jenna Free [00:21:14]: I have found it really help with aligning to what's important to me, aligning to my values and living a life that just feels better. It feels more like me. It feels like something I'm a little bit more proud of, I guess. Not that you shouldn't be proud of yourself, no matter what you have going on. It just allows us to access more of, you know, who I really am without all the defensiveness, without the compulsive behavior, without all the parts of me that were being run by a dysregulated nervous system. It's like that quiets down and then your conscious self starts making more of the choices and starts running the show just because it's so much easier to it's not out of white knuckling it. It's not out of force, it's not out of willpower, simply out of regulation. So thank you so much for tuning in and we will see you next week.