[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the ADHD With Jenna Free podcast where we are talking about getting out of fight or flight for ADHD ERs so you can reduce your symptoms, increase executive functioning and make life so much more enjoyable. [00:00:24] So today's episode is all about working memory. [00:00:28] I know that's still a struggle for me. [00:00:29] That is a very real symptom that we are contending with. [00:00:33] So how does that relate to regulation? [00:00:35] What are ways we can make it better? [00:00:37] How do we support ourselves in that struggle? [00:00:40] And that's what we're going to be diving into today. [00:00:44] So this episode is brought to you by the Free ADHD Regulation Guide. [00:00:48] You can grab this.
The Free ADHD Regulation Guide
[00:00:49] It's a short PDF along with a short video of me reading you the PDF in case you don't want to look at the document. [00:00:55] And you can grab this for the first few steps to improve working memory and all the other symptoms. [00:01:01] So this is going to give you those first steps of regulation, what to actually do a little bit understanding of the approach so you know where we're going with this and you can grab that in the show notes. [00:01:11] I also have resources for clinicians and ADHD coaches. [00:01:15] If you are a professional who is wanting to learn this approach to work with your clients. [00:01:20] That is what I'm diving into this year is supporting you guys in being able to do this work with more people. [00:01:26] So you can also see some resources for that in the show notes. [00:01:30] Now, before we dive in, I would love you to check in with yourself.
Regulation Check-In
[00:01:33] How are you feeling? [00:01:36] Are you in a rush right now? [00:01:39] Are you very frantic? [00:01:41] Can you slow down if you're jogging to your car? [00:01:45] Walk if you are driving with your shoulders around your ears? [00:01:49] Okay, there's no rush. [00:01:52] It's our little regulation check in moment. [00:01:56] So let's dive in. [00:01:58] So working memory is one of the core deficits that come up when we talk about adhd. [00:02:03] And what working memory is is the brain's ability to hold and use information in the moment. [00:02:10] So this will be like when you go to your phone to do something, but you forget what you were doing and then you end up doing five other things and you forget why you picked up your phone in the first place. [00:02:20] It's that in the moment memory where, you know, you walk into a room, you forget why you even went in there. [00:02:27] This very short term memory is a struggle for us as ADHDers and this is often explained as a neurological issue.
Understanding Working Memory in ADHD
[00:02:36] It's to do with the brain structure, it's to do with dopamine, and this is why ADHD's, you know, we lose our keys, we forget things often, we forget why we walked into a room, we miss steps in tasks, we can often lose our train of thought. [00:02:51] And all of those things come down to working memory. [00:02:55] And that's a real and very frustrating daily problem. [00:02:58] And I really will say, as someone who's been working on regulation for a few years in myself, and really, really buying into it, obviously and believing it, cause this is what I do for my work as well. [00:03:11] I would say working memory is still one of my main struggles now. [00:03:16] I would say it's nothing to write home about. [00:03:19] It is really not a problem. [00:03:20] I use supports and we're going to talk about how you can try to make it better with regulation and with external supports.
Prefrontal Cortex and Memory
[00:03:27] But I get it, it's very real. [00:03:30] Studies consistently show working memory impairment in ADHD populations. [00:03:35] This is a very noted trait. [00:03:38] And nothing you are alone in. [00:03:41] This is not your forgetfulness, this is not your intellect level. [00:03:46] This is simply something we are dealing with. [00:03:49] And this is linked to prefrontal cortex function. [00:03:52] So this is the part of your brain that governs attention and short term information holding.
Stress, Anxiety, and Their Impact on Memory
[00:03:59] And we do know that stress and anxiety measurably reduce prefrontal cortex activity. [00:04:06] So we are talking about the ADHD brain and how inherently working memory might be a bit of a hardship for us. [00:04:14] However, we also know that if we have stress and anxiety dysregulation, we are going to impact that even more and make it even worse. [00:04:26] And cortisol, the stress hormone that we're experiencing, if you're in fight or flight or you are dysregulated, cortisol is being released in your body and that actively degrades working memory performance. [00:04:37] That is a known fact. [00:04:38] And so when we have an ADHD brain that is in fight or flight, this is going to be a big deal when it comes to memory and working memory. [00:04:50] So the main point here being I get that you might be struggling with working memory. [00:04:55] And I understand and know personally how real that is, how impactful that can be on our daily lives, how frustrating that can be.
Fight or Flight and ADHD
[00:05:05] But also please know this is not inevitable that it has to be this much of a struggle. [00:05:11] And it is not just the adhd, this is also a brain in fight or flight. [00:05:18] And that really is all the topics I talk about, all my podcast episodes, all the things that I teach clients and other therapists to do with their clients and is about getting the ADHD brain out of fight or flight, not because that solves all of our problems. [00:05:34] But it is a part of the equation that being in Fight or flight, that isn't inevitable. [00:05:41] But the ADHD brain, it kind of is inevitable. [00:05:43] You have the brain you have, you were born with it. [00:05:45] There's truly nothing wrong with it, but it does come with some differences that can be very annoying, and I really understand that. [00:05:53] And painful.
Survival Mode and Memory Prioritization
[00:05:54] And more than annoying, I know that it can be really, truly debilitating and a real hardship. [00:06:01] But the Fight or Flight piece does not have to be there. [00:06:05] That is why I don't really work with the ADHD itself. [00:06:10] So if you've been following along or even if this is your first episode, I'm here to say, like, don't worry so much about the adhd, because when we focus on the ADHD itself, we're focusing on something that is concrete, the nervous system state you're in. [00:06:25] So when you're in Fight or Flight, that will directly affect how well your memory works. [00:06:30] And being in Fight or Flight narrows our focus to survival, not task management. [00:06:36] So the definition of survival mode is let's not die. [00:06:41] Well, a lot of what you do, what you want to do, what you want to remember, what you want to think about is not imperative to your survival.
Examples of Memory Prioritization
[00:06:48] So your brain is actually going to push away anything that's not vital. [00:06:54] So this is why we can be quite poor at attention to detail, because that doesn't matter in the scheme of things, right? [00:07:02] We're just trying to get by, just trying to survive. [00:07:07] And it might be why you can remember certain things and not others. [00:07:10] I will say for me, especially historically in my past when I was dysregulated, but even still, it is very rare that I'm going to forget something I need to do for my work, like a call that I have with my groups or a podcast interview that is really kind of implanted in my brain, I guess, as vital, as important to my survival. [00:07:34] You know, it's on my shoulders. [00:07:35] I'm the only one who can do it. [00:07:36] This is important and it's often timely. [00:07:39] So I will forget that less often.
Forgetting Less "Important" Daily Tasks
[00:07:42] But I will say I have a harder time remembering home tasks, stuff the kids need for school, cleaning that I wanted to get done, a meal that I wanted to start 30 minutes ago. [00:07:56] Those are things my brain has deemed less important to survival. [00:08:00] And this is not a conscious choice. [00:08:02] I don't actually believe at the end of the day that my work is more important than my home and my family. [00:08:06] I really don't. [00:08:08] But our brain is going to classify things as important and less important. [00:08:12] So there might be areas where it's very frustrating because even the people around you might think, well, you can always remember work. [00:08:19] I know for me and my husband that used to be a bit of a contentious issue.
Understanding Memory Is Not About Caring
[00:08:23] His assumption was if I don't remember, I must not care. [00:08:28] And so I only care about work and I don't care about, you know, our home or parenting stuff or the little details around home life. [00:08:36] But that is not the case. [00:08:38] Memory is not about caring, it is about survival. [00:08:42] So that's just something to give you a little bit more context around your own brain and why maybe there are certain things you don't forget, but then other areas where you have such a hard time keeping it in your conscious mind. [00:08:55] Other ways that dysregulation makes working memory worse is when we're rushing. [00:09:01] And if you are in fight or flight, you're almost surely in a rush. [00:09:04] Whether it be mentally, physically, impatience wise, you just feel like things are never happening fast enough and you're moving at a very quick pace when you are taking action.
Rushing and Memory
[00:09:13] But that creates low grade stress and that will reduce your ability to retain and track information. [00:09:20] I'm sure you've seen when you're rushing to go to an appointment or leave the house that it's a lot easier to forget things that you needed to bring with you versus if you are slowing down, consciously thinking, okay, what do I need? [00:09:34] Taking that minute, we're going to be less likely to forget. [00:09:37] But this is an important thing to observe. [00:09:39] How much do you rush? [00:09:41] Because that is going to directly affect working memory. [00:09:46] So being dysregulated is really pouring gasoline on the working memory struggle we have. [00:09:52] So our intention is improvement. [00:09:55] As someone with a dysregulated brain, you may want perfection. [00:09:59] If I'm going to do working memory stuff and I'm going to make my memory better, I want this problem to be gone.
The Value of Incremental Improvement
[00:10:05] And if I don't think it can be perfect, why bother working on it at all? [00:10:09] And that is, you know, that all or nothing thinking that comes into play when we're dysregulated. [00:10:14] But improvement is valuable. [00:10:16] If you could improve your working memory by even 10%, I think that would have a positive impact in your life. [00:10:24] So just remember when you're working on this and you go, oh, I keep forgetting stuff. [00:10:29] Yes, you always have. [00:10:30] This is a part of our experience. [00:10:33] But are you seeing any improvements? [00:10:35] So we're going to talk about what are things we can do to actually improve the working memory at all. [00:10:43] Heading in the right direction, that's all we're looking for.
Negative Impacts on Working Memory
[00:10:45] Okay, so a few things that are going to impact it negatively that we want to start being aware of. [00:10:51] Awareness is always the first step. [00:10:52] The first is rushing, as I mentioned. [00:10:55] So moving fast can feel productive, but it really takes away our attention. [00:11:00] It takes our conscious mind out of the driver's seat. [00:11:02] We're really in just this reactive space. [00:11:05] And when you're rushing, your brain is often on the next thing before you've even finished the current task. [00:11:10] So it's very hard to remember details, think clearly about what you're doing, remember all the things you need to do when you're mentally not even in the room.
Speed Versus Retention
[00:11:18] So that rushing piece is going to lend to that. [00:11:23] So speed is the enemy of retention. [00:11:25] We really want to think, okay, when I rush, more things are going to be forgotten, more balls are going to be dropped, and that's the price you pay for moving quickly. [00:11:36] And I will say rushing is not going to get you anywhere any faster anyways. [00:11:40] It's not going to get things done in a more timely manner. [00:11:43] It's only ever going to hurt. [00:11:44] But we do want to start being aware of that happening. [00:11:48] So anxiety as well.
Anxiety and Mental Bandwidth
[00:11:50] Anxiety is a dysregulated brain, right? [00:11:53] Your brain feels unsafe, it's in hypervigilance, it's trying to think of all the bad things that could happen. [00:11:59] And this takes up a lot of mental bandwidth and there's actually less room left for memory, thoughts, information. [00:12:10] So when we're in anxiety and in that dysregulation, those worrying thoughts about the future will crowd out the task, relevant thoughts. [00:12:19] So the things that you're working on right now are going to be pushed out by your worries about the future. [00:12:24] So that's another thing we can observe. [00:12:31] And now what do we do about this working memory? [00:12:34] So the fix is not systems, it's not apps, it's not lists, it's not alarms, really. [00:12:40] Try to observe if you go to external things to try to heal this, or really observe if you're going to external things to try to make a change with working memory. [00:12:50] Like, okay, I'm just accepting this is as bad as it is and I need tools to keep me afloat.
Working on Working Memory from the Inside Out
[00:12:57] Of course, we might still need those things, but try to go inward. [00:13:00] The goal that we are working on together here in this space is to be in a state where your brain can actually hold the information it is not to, you know, let it all fly out and hope you're gonna catch it with your tools and your lists and your apps. [00:13:17] So Here are a few tangible things that you can start practicing right away to work on your working memory from the inside out, genuine healing, and see some improvement there, as opposed to just the catch all tools. [00:13:33] So number one is we need to slow down. [00:13:37] We've already said multiple times that rushing hurts, but we have to actually actively counter that. [00:13:43] It's going to feel very counterintuitive when you feel behind, when you feel you're not getting enough done, when you feel, you know, not good enough, and you're always forgetting things and you have to make up for it. [00:13:55] The feeling is going to be, go faster, do more rush. [00:14:00] But that is only going to make it worse.
Slowing Down and Physical Practices
[00:14:03] So slowing down reduces the stress load, and it gives working memory room to function, gives you some breathing room to hold things in your mind. [00:14:14] So physically slow down. [00:14:16] I was talking with one of my groups today, and some people had some really great things that they're working on when they're working on not rushing. [00:14:23] One person said, I drive in the slow lane on purpose. [00:14:27] Practicing, not trying to go by everybody and be in a rush while driving. [00:14:31] That's a great place to start. [00:14:33] It could be the speed that you go places. [00:14:36] You know, walking versus jogging and running everywhere.
Intentional Use of Tools
[00:14:39] Can you just walk at a reasonable pace, not always trying to pass everybody on the sidewalk? [00:14:45] Even the tools you do use, speaking of, you know, the supports, are they very rushed, automated, trying to be as efficient as possible, or can you use things that slow you down a little bit? [00:15:00] I was laughing on the call today with the group members about my whiteout. [00:15:05] I use a paper calendar and I use whiteout, but it's very purposeful. [00:15:10] I want my life to actually slow me down in a mindful way, not in a inefficient way. [00:15:17] So when I'm looking at my calendar, when I'm organizing things, it takes a second to white something out. [00:15:22] Gotta let it dry. [00:15:24] Then I'm thinking about my week, and then I might adjust things. [00:15:28] All those little practices are gonna retrain your system that there's no rush. [00:15:34] You can slow down, you are safe, and that will increase your working memory over time.
Focus Over Speed
[00:15:41] The second thing you can work on instead of rushing, try to think of it as focus being the useful thing. [00:15:49] So, for example, you're trying to get your kids out the door, you want to rush, right? [00:15:53] But then you forget their lunch, or you forget this thing, or you forget your own work bag because you've been rushing out the door instead of that move, right? [00:16:01] We're really focused on the rushing, but it's so Important, we want to think about focus. [00:16:06] Meaning, for example, when I'm trying to get my kids out in the morning, I'm telling them, okay, boys, our task right now is getting the shoes on. [00:16:16] Let's focus on putting on our shoes. [00:16:19] When they're, you know, they're not moving it along or they're not doing the task they need to do, that is so much more useful in regulating then, come on, come on, let's go, let's go. [00:16:28] Hurry up. [00:16:29] So that's for other people, but even with yourself, are you rushing out in the morning? [00:16:35] Are you slowing down? [00:16:36] Okay, let me focus. [00:16:36] Do I have my water bottle? [00:16:38] Do I have my lunch? [00:16:40] Do I have the keys? [00:16:42] It's a slowing down and building in that pause and building in that focus.
Presence and Single-tasking
[00:16:47] As a strategy instead of speed as a strategy that is really going to help walking to your car in the morning instead of rushing, these little shifts are going to make a huge difference. [00:17:00] And again, all of these are intended to increase your working memory. [00:17:04] It might not feel completely directly related, but it absolutely affects things. [00:17:11] The next thing you can work on is really being where you are. [00:17:16] So notice when your brain has already left the current task. [00:17:19] We want to be mentally and physically doing one thing. [00:17:23] So if you're folding laundry already thinking about how you need to go run those errands in town, it's going to be much more likely that you forget things. [00:17:32] Either that you wanted to hang up that item and not put it in the dryer or even in the shower.
Practicing Mindfulness in Daily Tasks
[00:17:40] You might think, oh, did I shampoo? [00:17:42] I don't even remember if I shampooed my hair already. [00:17:44] It's probably because you're not mentally in the shower doing what you're doing. [00:17:48] You are already on the next task. [00:17:53] So if you are making coffee but mentally writing emails, if you're talking to your child but thinking about work, this is where things get missed, steps get skipped, items get forgotten. [00:18:04] So practice coming back to be mentally and physically doing the same thing. [00:18:09] One task. [00:18:12] Another thing you can work on is all or nothing thinking. [00:18:16] We can really apply this to memory.
All-or-Nothing Thinking and Memory
[00:18:18] When you are dysregulated, your brain is in all or nothing mode. [00:18:22] That's by design. [00:18:23] That's on purpose. [00:18:24] If you were in the forest getting chased by a bear and you were in danger, you need that brain to, like, be classifying things like safe, unsafe, really fast. [00:18:33] We need binary thinking and we need drastic thinking. [00:18:37] We have no room for nuance because I'm trying to stay alive here. [00:18:41] But for us, we're typically not in A life or death situation, but we're still thinking in that all or nothing way. [00:18:49] So applied to memory, what I see a lot in my group members and in my clients is oh, I write every single thought down, every single idea down, every single chore I want to get done.
Scarcity Mentality Around Memory
[00:19:00] I have a list of a million things and there's this real scarcity mentality and a real functioning from a fear of forgetting. [00:19:08] Right, Functioning from fear. [00:19:10] And it's a negative motivator. [00:19:12] But when I try to remember every single thing, I tend to remember nothing. [00:19:17] It's really hard to remember things when you're trying to remember a hundred things. [00:19:22] When everything feels urgent, everything feels important, nothing gets prioritized even in your memory, right? [00:19:29] There's gonna be more important things to remember than others, but we really wanna hold onto all of them. [00:19:35] So with that mental overload and it really makes the retention worse. [00:19:38] So just observe.
Letting Go and Practicing Discernment
[00:19:40] Oh, am I trying to remember everything I want to do today or is it enough to just remember what I'm doing right now or what I'm doing next? [00:19:48] Do you screenshot every single ADHD tip you've ever seen? [00:19:51] That seems like it might be helpful one day? [00:19:54] So now you don't remember any of them cuz you trying to remember a thousand? [00:19:58] If you only had one tip you were working on implementing, which I don't recommend, tips and tricks, I would recommend this work instead. [00:20:05] But if you were just trying to remember one, you're much more likely to remember it than everything. [00:20:10] So really observe. [00:20:11] I am. [00:20:11] Am I in all or nothing thinking with my fear of forgetting. [00:20:15] And that has me forgetting ironically. [00:20:17] And then we also want to practice discernment. [00:20:22] This is a branch of the all or nothing thinking.
Risk and Letting Some Things Go
[00:20:26] It is a very deliberate decision to let go of some things. [00:20:31] Not every thought needs to be captured, not every task needs to be done this second. [00:20:37] And it's taking that risk of letting these thoughts go. [00:20:43] And a great place to play with this would be things that, you know, hey, if I never remembered this again, it's not gonna have much of a downside. [00:20:51] So I recommend this for ideas. [00:20:53] How many ideas do you have written down in your notes app that have never gone anywhere, but every time you have something, you're trying to write it down, trying to remember them all. [00:21:04] We really want to start discerning and say, hey, it's safe to let some things go. [00:21:08] If it's a good idea, it will come back to me.
Applying Discernment to Daily Life
[00:21:11] Even your chores in your home, oh, I really should take the garbage out instead of trying to remember it all day by the time you get home. [00:21:18] Oh, what if I just let that go, focus on my work while I'm at work and at risk for getting to take the garbage out. [00:21:25] But for things like garbage, laundry, things in your home, you are going to inevitably run into them and see them. [00:21:34] So there's really no risk there. [00:21:36] You are going to see that the garbage is full and you can take it out later. [00:21:39] There's not going to really be a horrible negative repercussion, but it's going to help your brain practice. [00:21:46] It's safe to be at work. [00:21:47] When we're at work, it's safe to be writing this email.
Summary: Improving Working Memory
[00:21:49] When I'm writing this email, I don't need to try to hold all the other things in my mind because this is what creates problem for the working memory. [00:22:00] So to summarize, working memory struggles in ADHD are very real. [00:22:04] However, dysregulation makes them significantly worse. [00:22:08] The solution is not going to be apps, lists, trying to hold it all. [00:22:13] The solution will be regulating. [00:22:15] And so our main ways to do that is is slowing down, really working on focus instead of speed, being present and practicing this kind of idea is less is more. [00:22:29] Okay, what's the one thing I want to remember today or right now as opposed to trying to hold it all at once? [00:22:37] This hoarding of ideas and thoughts and screenshots and lists is really hindering us and not helping us. [00:22:47] So when we have less mental noise, we are more present.
Internal Change Over External Solutions
[00:22:50] We've slowed down a little bit. [00:22:52] You really are going to improve your working memory. [00:22:57] I understand that that might be a bit annoying because I think we all can understand that that's not going to happen overnight. [00:23:03] But any tool, strategy list, calendar, app that promises to solve problems, all your ADHD problems overnight is a scam that is not gonna work, that is not going to last. [00:23:18] But this more internal focus work really does change things in the long run. [00:23:23] But it does take time. [00:23:25] But this is a part of reducing the rush, accepting, hey, time's gonna pass anyways. [00:23:33] So I could either keep running around frantically trying to hold all my thoughts in at once and be frustrated and beat myself up that I keep forgetting,
Final Thoughts and Encouragement
[00:23:41] Or I can slow down, think less is more and kind of calm everything down so I can have a little bit of a better experience and a little bit better working memory. [00:23:53] Okay, so thank you so much for being here. [00:23:56] Even if you take one little tidbit away, don't try to remember all of it. [00:23:59] Again, all or nothing thinking. [00:24:01] Take one little insight and go, how could I put that into my week so I could start working on making a shift? [00:24:08] That would be a great place to start. [00:24:11] Another great place to start is the Free ADHD Regulation Guide. [00:24:14] You can grab that in the show notes and if you are a clinician, a coach, a therapist, an occupational therapist, and you're wanting to focus on regulation work for your clients, not just the tips and the tricks, I am opening up my ADHD Regulation Method Certification program in September, but I'll be offering a lot more insights and free things for you professionals before that. [00:24:35] So be sure to check in the show notes.
Conclusion
[00:24:37] You can get your name on the wait list and you'll get all that information as it comes up. [00:24:40] So thank you so much. [00:24:42] Please share this with an ADHD who's been expressing their frustration with working memory and this might give a little bit of insight to them on the internal work they can do to make this a little bit better. [00:24:53] Thank you so much and we'll see you next week.
