ADHD Nervous System Regulation and Healing Your Beliefs
If you've been working on ADHD nervous system regulation, like breathing, slowing down, and something still keeps pulling you back into fight or flight, this episode explains why. Jenna spends most of her time on the nervous system piece because it's the foundation. In this episode, she adds the layer that sits on top of it and what undoes it the fastest when it's ignored. Which is your thoughts and beliefs.
She uses a tree metaphor to lay out three layers of regulation. The nervous system is the roots. Thoughts and beliefs are the trunk growing out of those roots, and behavior is the branches. Most ADHDers are working on the roots and wondering why they still feel dysregulated. The answer is usually in the trunk.
Here’s what’s covered:
Why ADHD symptoms and fight-or-flight symptoms look nearly identical, and how to tell what's your ADHD brain versus what's dysregulation stacked on top
The three-layer tree metaphor Jenna uses for regulation work, and why the trunk (thoughts and beliefs) keeps re-triggering the roots (nervous system) when it gets skipped
The first dysregulating belief almost every ADHDer holds: "I'm behind, I need to catch up," and the car-stuck-in-a-rut analogy Jenna uses to explain why pushing harder digs you in deeper
The scarcity belief "there's not enough time" and why fighting a fixed 24 hours a day keeps you dysregulated instead of grounded in what's actually available
The dangling carrot belief "when I'm done, then I can relax," why you're never going to be done, and what a more sustainable relationship with rest looks like
How the belief "I can't trust myself to do this later, so I have to get it all done now" feeds the ADHD crash cycle and gives you evidence that proves itself right
The point Jenna keeps returning to is that beliefs and the nervous system are not separate projects. Your beliefs were formed inside a dysregulated nervous system, which means they carry that same fear energy. So the second a thought like "I'm behind, I need to catch up" pops up, your nervous system gets yanked right back into fight-or-flight, even if you were breathing calmly a minute ago. The body work has to happen alongside the belief work, or the two keep undoing each other.
She also names something important for anyone who has been treated for ADHD as if the symptoms themselves are the whole story. The fight-or-flight symptom list (anxiety, procrastination, difficulty concentrating, zoning out, emotional dysregulation, sensitivity to sounds and textures, fidgetiness, irritability, paralysis, people pleasing, racing mind, trouble sleeping, criticism sensitivity) reads almost identically to a standard ADHD symptom list. Which means a lot of what feels like unmanageable ADHD is actually two things stacked, and one of those things can be worked on.
“If we can get your thoughts and beliefs in line with the goal of regulation, of sustainability, slower, steadier, but more successful, it's going to be a much more successful life with this approach."
ADHD nervous system regulation is still the foundation and always will be. What this episode adds is the piece that determines whether that foundation holds. Jenna's free ADHD Regulation Guide is where the body-first work starts, and it pairs directly with the belief work covered in this episode.
For therapists and coaches who want to bring this three-layer regulation approach into their own practice with ADHD clients, the ADHD Regulation Method certification waitlist is open ahead of the September launch.
Every layer Jenna teaches is mapped out in The Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation. Available wherever you get your books.
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More about ADHD with Jenna Free
ADHD with Jenna Free is a podcast for adults with ADHD who are done surviving their symptoms and ready to start thriving with ADHD, without the endless tips, hacks, and workarounds that have never really fixed anything. It's also the show where therapists, coaches, and counselors come to deepen their understanding of treating ADHD in adults and learn what regulation-based care looks like in practice.
Hosted by Jenna Free, a Canadian Certified Counselor (CCC) and ADHD therapist, this show exists to give you a completely different way of understanding ADHD in adults. You're stuck, overwhelmed, and exhausted because your brain is running on fight-or-flight. Willpower was never going to fix that, and once you understand that, everything changes.
I’ll answer questions like:
Do I have ADHD?
What is ADHD task paralysis, and how do I get unstuck?
Why is my ADHD getting worse in my 40s?
What do ADHD and perimenopause do to your brain?
How do I manage ADHD emotional dysregulation without medication alone?
Why do I procrastinate so much with ADHD?
Why don't ADHD tips and tricks ever work long-term?
What does it look like to thrive with ADHD?
What does nervous system regulation have to do with ADHD?
How do I stop feeling overwhelmed with ADHD?
How do I get trained to treat ADHD in adults using a regulation-based approach?
What does ADHD therapist training through a regulation framework actually cover?
This podcast covers the full experience of living with adult ADHD: the real science behind procrastination in ADHD and ADHD task paralysis, why ADHD and perimenopause collide in ways no one talks about, and the solution-focused conversations most ADHD podcasts aren't having. For practitioners, Jenna also gets into the clinical side: what nervous system regulation training looks like, how to apply a regulation framework with clients, and what ADHD coach certification and ADHD therapist training often omit. Jenna shares her own story throughout, what it looks like to go from chronically dysregulated to thriving, so whether you're living with ADHD or working with people who are, you can see what's possible.
This show gives adults with ADHD, newly navigating a late diagnosis, and clinicians seeking ADHD continuing education one thing: a clear path toward healing
If you're an adult with ADHD who's tired of the commiseration and ready for a show that believes your life can look completely different, or a practitioner who wants to understand ADHD at the nervous system level, you're in the right place.
The unedited transcript for this episode of ADHD with Jenna
How to Sign Up for the Workshop
Jenna Free [00:01:02 - 00:01:45]: And you can get your spot for that in the show notes. Pick either time, whatever works best for you, and we will see you live at the workshop. Okay, so for the episode today, I do wanna begin talking a little bit about why ADHDers are in fight or flight. 'Cause I talk all the time about, hey, you're dysregulated, you're in fight or flight. If you're in survival mode, this is gonna make your ADHD symptoms so much worse, and there's really no point just trying to put band-aids and coping with the symptoms you're experiencing right now if you haven't gotten regulated first. But why are ADHDers in fight or flight? When I do talk about this stuff online, some people will say like, that's just ADHD. ADHD is about dysregulation. That's just how it is.
The Root of Fight or Flight in ADHD
Jenna Free [00:01:46 - 00:02:45]: But I have not seen that to be the case. Yes, ADHD is a brain difference, and being different than the norm can be really hard. Doing things in a way that society doesn't do them is very challenging. And the real trouble comes in when we've had instance after instance of feeling that difference and that struggle, and that's what puts us into hypervigilance and survival mode. So it's not just, oh wow, the ADHD brain difference comes biologically with dysregulation and with being in fight or flight. But go plop a child into a world where they think one way and everyone else thinks a different way. Everyone's doing things in one way and we're trying to keep up, trying to mask, trying to, you know, comply, because that's what children do. We take on a lot of stress.Jenna Free [00:02:46 - 00:03:14]: We take on a lot of effort to keep that up. And in that hypervigilance, right? Got to be aware. Got to be on my toes. Got to try harder. That consistent exposure is going to get us stuck in chronic fight or flight, right? So then even when that's gone, even now as an adult, you have autonomy. Maybe you have more flexibility with your job, and you could be doing it your way. You could be honoring your brain. You could.
Jenna Free [00:03:15 - 00:04:09]: You know, do things differently than we did in childhood because in childhood, honestly, you didn't have all the choice in the world. Right? You kind of you trust the people around you. You go that must be the way to do it. I'm going to try to do it that way too. But in adulthood, we've gotten stuck. It's like we jumped the track and now we can't get back. Right? We are on this fight or flight track, and even though I'm safe, even though I have more personal autonomy, even though You know, I could relax, my body won't let me because it is still thinking, oh my God, but where's the bear? Where's that next thing that I'm gonna have to, you know, overcompensate for just to keep my head above water? And it probably does still feel like that in adulthood, right? But a lot of that's to do with our internal stuckness in fight or flight. There's probably a lot more flexibility available to you than you're aware of because it still feels so hard, right? Yeah.
ADHD, Dysregulation, and Their Overlapping Symptoms
Jenna Free [00:04:10 - 00:05:03]: I know work can feel so hard, so draining. We can feel burnt out. But if we work on the dysregulation piece that's on top of our ADHD brain difference, you may be amazed at how that makes such a big difference. It's not all ADHD that you're dealing with right now. That being said, why does dysregulation make it feel like the ADHD is so much worse? This is because the symptoms of being dysregulated or being in fight or flight and the symptoms of ADHD are so similar. It's like hard to pry them apart, right? What is what? We don't know until you're regulated. But here are some examples of symptoms when you're in fight or flight. What can show up? Anxiety, avoiding or procrastinating on tasks, difficulty concentrating, dissociating or zoning out, emotional dysregulation, sensitivity to sounds, smells, textures, or sights, right? That overstimulation that we can experience.Jenna Free [00:05:04 - 00:06:02]: Feeling fidgety or restless, irritability, lashing out, paralysis, people pleasing, racing mind, trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, sensitivity to criticism. Doesn't that sound like an ADHD symptom list? But that's not, that's the fight or flight or dysregulation symptom list. So we can see if we're already starting with some of these things, we're already starting with a brain that functions in a different way. Then you add the dysregulation symptoms on top. Debilitating, right? This is when we get to a place where it's pretty unbearable, right? We think, oh my God, ADHD makes life impossible. But let's really start thinking, wow, what if it's two things happening and one of them can be worked on? One of them can be healed, right? ADHD brain difference is the brain you have, and honestly, it's awesome. You have a beautiful brain. It works in really wonderful ways.
Jenna Free [00:06:02 - 00:06:55]: It's unique, it's special, and I believe, you know, if our society would get on board, is that unique thinkers are the best thing you could have, right? Say in a company you have 10 people that think one way. Well, to have a couple people that think a different way is gonna be of such great value, that have different strengths, right? We all work together and you can do amazing things. But we're all kind of assuming, okay, we're all coming from the same place, we're all thinking in the same way. So I really encourage you to just think, hmm, this could be really different if I'm regulated. So that being said, this is why you're in fight or flight, but we can get out of it. It's not inevitable, it's not permanent, but I get it, it's a challenge and it's been a long time. So it doesn't happen overnight, but it's well, well worth the effort. And today we're going to be talking about a different layer of this work, so I'm excited to be adding that on.
Three Types of Regulation
Jenna Free [00:06:56 - 00:07:40]: So just as a recap, there are three types of regulation you're going to want to work on as an ADHDer working to get out of survival mode and finding that that calm place where you can be more productive, enjoy yourself more, less stressed. It's a beautiful thing. So the base or the roots, I kind of see it as a tree. The roots is nervous system regulation. This is what I talk about all the time. This is you know the taking a deep breath, physically slowing down, interrupting the body. And that's what's in the free guide if you've grabbed that, is the nervous system regulation piece. We're not using words, we're not thinking hopefully too much, we're just focusing on the body, right? Am I really tense? Then I want to relax.Jenna Free [00:07:40 - 00:08:37]: Am I rushing? Then I want to slow down. It's an interruption of the physical state to regulate your nervous system. The second layer, which I kind of see like the trunk growing out of those roots, is thought and belief regulation. This is so important because your belief systems, your thoughts, come from a root system of fear, right? Come from a nervous system of, I'm about to get eaten by a bear, we need to be on high alert, we got to be in fear, right, to protect ourselves so we can fight, flight, freeze, or fawn our way out of this very dangerous situation. Your thoughts and beliefs have formed from that state. So to think they're not intertwined with our regulation is silly because they come from your dysregulated nervous system, but they also can re-trigger your dysregulated nervous system. So say you're working on the nervous system piece. Okay, I'm rushing.
Jenna Free [00:08:37 - 00:09:03]: Oh, I'm slowing down more. Okay, I'm starting to interrupt that more and more and more. I'm relaxing my shoulders. I'm telling my body there's no bear. We're okay, you know, settle down nervous system. And then you have a thought like, I'm behind, I need to catch up. You think that nervous system is going to say, no, we'll just keep it slow and steady? Of course not. It's going to go, okay, right? And boom, right back into dysregulation.
Jenna Free [00:09:04 - 00:09:54]: The 3rd level of regulation, or dysregulation should I say, that comes from this root system is behavior. So we have nervous system dysregulation, which creates thoughts and beliefs that are dysregulated, which of course our thoughts and beliefs determine our actions and our behavior, and now that's dysregulated. And where we can see behavior dysregulation is in the extremes of behavior, right? So like all or nothing. I'm either eating really healthy or screw it. I'm either cleaning the whole house and wiping the baseboards or I'm not doing anything at all. I'm either avoiding this work task or sitting down and hammering it out for 5 5 hours, right? That's the behavior that's very dysregulated. All of those are important. Roots is the nervous system, which, you know, the root system is always the most vital.
Jenna Free [00:09:54 - 00:10:31]: Like, that's what we're really after, is to regulate that nervous system. But to ignore the trunk and the branches of the tree is going to keep you stuck because those are just going to re-trigger your nervous system to be dysregulated again. So that is the layer we are adding on today. Thought and belief regulation. So I'm gonna go over 4 common beliefs or thoughts that keep us dysregulated. I am not saying it is bad to think these things. We're just pointing out, oh, these are very common. First of all, the dysregulated ADHD brain is comically predictable.
Common Dysregulating Beliefs in ADHD
Jenna Free [00:10:31 - 00:11:07]: It's so sweet. It's like in my ADHD groups, you know, there's a group of us together and we'll be talking about something and every single person's like, oh, I am not unique in any way. That's exactly how I'm thinking. And everyone's like, yeah, me too, me too, me too. And you know, I say that with a bit of a chuckle because, you know, we think, oh, I'm so weird, I'm so different. No, the ADHD brain in fight or flight is like, I don't know, some sort of certain software. Like, it runs the same way. But the great news about that is it's also very predictable to shift back, to become more regulated.Jenna Free [00:11:07 - 00:11:36]: We know what to do. Because we know it works because we're all thinking in the same way. So the first belief that can really trip us up when we're trying to get regulated is one I've mentioned many times: I'm behind and I need to catch up. If you don't have that belief or you don't think that very often, well done, because every ADHDer I have met really feels this way. I felt this way for a very long time as well. I'm behind, I need to catch up. And you might be saying, but it's true. Look at all this evidence.
Jenna Free [00:11:37 - 00:11:58]: I am supposed to be further along in life. I have a late work assignment due. My house is messy. Blah blah blah blah blah. Lots of reasons, and I get it, right? I really really felt that too. I understand. But man, is that dysregulating! Because just think about it. Okay, we're working on our nervous system regulation.
Jenna Free [00:11:58 - 00:12:55]: I'm going to slow down. I'm connecting my body to a place of safety. There's no bear, it's okay. And then my brain goes, I'm behind, I need to catch up. What sane brain is gonna go, I'm behind, I need to catch up, so let's slow down, let's be present, let's focus on the thing in front? No, it's gonna say, go faster, let's go, run, run, run, right? So if we want to get regulated, if you've been following along, or even if this is your first time here, We need to understand that being dysregulated is making things so much worse. Like I said, with those symptoms at the top of this episode, I get that it might be like, but it's true, I'm behind, I need to catch up. But that belief is not helping you. Has it worked? Are you caught up? How long have you felt like you're behind and need to catch up? And where are you? Are you still behind? Maybe, maybe that belief isn't helpful.
Jenna Free [00:12:55 - 00:13:39]: Maybe that pressure, that intensity is not getting you the results you want. But when we're dysregulated, we're really very open to hitting our head against the wall and not making any change, right? It's like, but I'm behind, I need to catch up, I'm behind, I need to catch up, so I gotta work harder, gotta go faster, and I've been doing that for 20 years, I'm still not caught up. It's like, maybe that's not working then. But I get it, right? Right now it might be like, well, duh, yeah, I see what you're saying. But I understand because that feels logical, right? If I'm in a race and I'm thinking, wow, the whole pack is in front of me, I'm behind, I need to catch up, I'm not going to slow down. Like, obviously I'm going to run faster. But this is not a physical race. Everyone isn't in front of you and you need to move your body faster and then the race is over.
Jenna Free [00:13:40 - 00:14:28]: Life is long, right? You got to think of it more as a marathon that never ends. That sounds very depressing. But it's like, oh, this whole sprint, go, push, push. What is it doing in the long run? Right, because life is long, and we want to be able to do do do do do function long term, not just get caught up and then crash and then be behind again. Because that's what I hear a lot of, right? It's like well, I do get caught up sometimes for a minute, but then every you know life comes barreling in again, and then I'm behind again. So it's this rhythm of like intensity and rush and crash and fall behind, and then intensity catch up. Crash, fall behind. This is a roller coaster, and it's exacerbating your symptoms and adding all those symptoms that I mentioned earlier.
Jenna Free [00:14:29 - 00:15:26]: So the reason this belief is not helpful is, yes, it's putting you in dysregulation, and we know that's not good for our bodies and our brains. But it's like a car spinning its wheels. Imagine you're on this dirt road and you have the pedal pushed down pretty hard and the wheels are spinning. And you're not aware the wheels are spinning, and you're just thinking, "Wow, I'm not moving very fast. I better push the gas even harder," right? And now the wheels are spinning even more, digging you in a rut, and you're thinking, "Oh my God, I'm not working hard enough," and you're like slamming on the gas. Go, go, go, go, go! Oh, if we had the full picture, if we were aware of everything that's happening, we would know, "Oh, I need to back off the gas." So the wheels can get a grip on the road and I can actually move forward. That is super counterintuitive, right? To get caught up, I need to slow down. That doesn't always make sense, especially when we're only aware of the surface.
Jenna Free [00:15:27 - 00:16:23]: I'm only aware that I'm not getting enough shit done here and I need to get more done. Well, what does one do when they need to get more done? Go, go, go, go, go, right? Run faster, go harder, push yourself more. But we need to look at the bigger picture. Slowing down, getting present, taking one step at a time is how you're actually going to feel caught up, partially because you're going to be getting more done and moving ahead at a faster rate when you slow down. Again, so counterintuitive, but also because your brain's going to become more flexible and it's going to let go of some of this idea of like There's a place you're supposed to be, and when you're not there, it's wrong. And you know you are bad for not achieving XYZ today, and you should beat yourself up about it. Negative self-talk. Your brain, when it's more regulated, it will settle more into.
Jenna Free [00:16:24 - 00:16:58]: I am where I am now. What? Like where do I go from here? I get you might not be happy with where you are. I understand you might want to be getting your work done in a more timely manner. I get that you might want to progress in life, but what are you going to do other than get present with where you are and move forward from here? Right? When we're dysregulated, we have this dysregulating beliefs like I'm behind, I need to catch up. We are much less effective because there's a lot of fighting with reality. Like I should be over there, I should be there. Okay, but you're here. But I should be over there.
Jenna Free [00:16:58 - 00:17:44]: But you're here. But I should be. Okay, at what point do we go, okay, I'm here, this is where I am, now what? What am I going to do today? What am I going to do right now to step towards where I want to be? Right? So it's really tricky, and it's hard for me to portray it in the most clear way because sometimes you don't see it until you start doing it. And this work really is like a big tumbleweed, and the nervous system regulation affects the beliefs and the thoughts so greatly, which affects the behavior so greatly, and vice versa, right? It's all so tangled up that, yeah, it's easy for me to say like, okay, like believe a different belief. Good for you. Bye. Like, it's not that simple, but it's a part of the equation that's very important. So that's a belief I want you to observe this week.
Jenna Free [00:17:44 - 00:18:26]: When you are thinking, I'm behind, I need to catch up, are your instincts telling you to rush, go harder, go faster? And I really want you to pause and think, but has that, you know, that's the way I've been doing things this whole time, and has that worked for me? What if there's another way? And the move here is to shift this belief to a more regulating belief. That's the quote-unquote homework. And that would be, okay, I notice I'm feeling behind, I need to catch up. Okay, that's dysregulating, you know, it's tripping me up. Whether it's true or not, I totally understand that you're like, but it's true. Okay, that's fine. It's not working though. Right? That strategy is not working.
Jenna Free [00:18:26 - 00:19:03]: So let's shift to a more regulating belief, which might be, I am where I am. Now what? But that work was due on Monday and it's Wednesday. Okay, and here we are on Wednesday. So now what? You can go work on that work now, right? It's like landing in reality, coming to the present, being grounded, and taking a step from here. That's what regulation is really all about, is being present Knowing you're safe, and it's okay to just take that one next step. You don't need to be doing fifteen steps at once. You don't need to rush. You don't need to be beating the clock.
Jenna Free [00:19:03 - 00:19:55]: Just walking is going to get you there much, much faster and in a much more enjoyable way. The second belief: this one comes from a scarcity mindset, and if you are in a mindset of scarcity, meaning there's not enough. regardless of what it is, that's gonna be very dysregulating, right? 'Cause if there's not enough, I'm feeling desperate. You gotta really reflect on the primal experience, right? If I don't think there's enough, that's like starvation, right? If there's not enough food in the forest, I'm gonna starve. If there's not enough shelter, I'm gonna die, right? The scarcity mindset triggers the nervous system in that way. But the way I see this coming up for a lot of ADHDers is there's not enough time in the day. That will create a lot of desperation. There's a lot of scarcity in that.
Jenna Free [00:19:55 - 00:20:20]: And when I don't think there's enough, I do become desperate. I do become very frantic and dysregulated. So if there's not enough time in the day, I'm rushing. I am overwhelmed. I'm probably feeling very stressed, right? Under the gun, under that timer. I talked to ADHDers who are like, oh yeah, I put a 15-minute timer on and try to beat the clock. Please don't do that. Please don't do that.
Jenna Free [00:20:20 - 00:20:36]: That is so dysregulating, right? There's not enough time. I gotta rush. I'm like running a race. Like, life is long. This is not a race. This is not a sprint. Slow down. I'm a big fan of timers in certain ways.
Jenna Free [00:20:36 - 00:21:20]: Maybe you set a timer for 15 minutes and you think, oh, I'm just gonna, you know, work at this for 15 minutes before I need to leave. That's great. But we don't wanna beat the clock. Again, this idea there's not enough time and I need to rush to make up This magical lost time, so dysregulating. It's going to put you in all those symptoms, and it's probably going to have you in paralysis more than it's going to have you in productivity. Right? That is the slippery slope: is a lot of this rushing, dysregulation, desperation tips us over into overwhelm and paralysis, and now you're doing nothing at all. So it feels helpful at the beginning, right? If I'm scared, if there's not enough time, I'm going to rush and I'm going to get more done. If I believe I'm behind, I need to catch up, I'm going to rush, I'm going to get there, I'm going to get caught.
Jenna Free [00:21:20 - 00:21:47]: up. It doesn't work like that. You are just going to be tipped over into paralysis and do nothing for 2 days. I know I've been there and for a lot longer than 2 days. I was an entrepreneur for like 7 years before I did this work. And I've had like stints of like months where I would lay on the couch all day, right? I didn't have a boss, didn't technically have to do anything. And my, you know, success showed that. But that was because I believed all these things.
Jenna Free [00:21:48 - 00:22:44]: I felt all of this. I was so dysregulated. So I really want you to observe when you have this scarcity mentality with anything, but especially there's not enough time. How does that play out in reality? Not in your mind, right? Well, in theory, that would be very helpful because if I don't think there's enough time, I'm going to rush and get lots done. What's the reality of the situation? Do you actually then do nothing? Do you actually think, well, there's not enough time, so screw it? Do you actually think, oh my God, I'm so overwhelmed that I can't do anything? We want to look at the results, not just the ideas. So that's kind of the second area, these scarcity beliefs. And, you know, I just want to mention because I know someone's going to say, but there isn't enough time in the day for what, right? What is that based on? There's not enough time in the day to get the 50,000 things you want to get done? Yeah, probably not. But that's like we're creating that.
Jenna Free [00:22:44 - 00:24:10]: We are creating that expectation, and you might say society is, but you know, I don't feel that way anymore, and I'm functioning very, very well in society, right? I'm a lot more successful in my life personally and professionally than I ever was when I was thinking there wasn't enough time in the day. So it's not that you need to think that in order to survive, or that it's some inherent truth, but I do understand when you're in dysregulation. Feeling like you're behind and need to get caught up, feeling like you need to do 20 things a day, feeling that scarcity and desperation, it does feel like there's not enough time. But what's so amazing is if we shift this belief, right, to a more regulating one that might sound like, there is the time there is. Okay, what are you going to do with it? Right? It's so amazing how your prioritization skills will be much better. You are going to be more regulated, therefore more blood flow to the brain, thinking more clearly, more thoughtfully, more mindfully, making choices that honor you a little bit better, not wasting time getting stuck in, you know, overwhelming paralysis, perfectionism, all of that stuff that comes up when we're dysregulated. And you may find actually there's just a perfect amount of time in the day. Then you're regulated, then you're Do do do do bopping along throughout the day because the main focus here and the main point is you're gonna lose that battle 100% of the time.
Jenna Free [00:24:12 - 00:24:33]: There's 24 hours in a day. That's what you get. But there's not enough time. But there's not enough time. Okay, but there's 24 hours, so we could fight with that for the next 20 years, or we could go, okay, this is what we're dealing with. How do I use it the best way I can? And sometimes that's going to be, I need a bloody rest. I need a nap. I'm going to go watch some TV.
Jenna Free [00:24:34 - 00:25:12]: This is not about go, go, go, be a little Energizer Bunny and always use your time wisely, responsibly. Boring. That's not the life I want. I'm sure it's not the life you want. But when you're more grounded in the reality of time and space being linear, I can just use it how It feels best for me. I can use my time wisely. I feel like prior to this, when someone said use your time wisely, you probably thought priorities, responsibilities, get shit done, do do do. I don't mean that.
Jenna Free [00:25:13 - 00:25:42]: Use your time wisely based on how you want to live your life, right? For me, that has come to a place of balance, and you may also find that. Is the same results for you as time goes on? Because yes, I do like to get things done because it feels good and it produces the life I want, but I also like to rest. I also like to enjoy. I also like to have slow moments. I also like to go on the front step and sit in the sun. I also like to read. I also like to watch TV. I also like to go out with my friends.
Jenna Free [00:25:43 - 00:26:15]: I also like to hang out with my kids, right? All of it. That's using my time wisely to create the life I want. Not to you know check off to-do lists till I die. So that scarcity mentality, we really need to look at that. All right, the two others are: one is this dangling carrot thing we get stuck in, meaning when I'm done, then I can relax. You are never going to be done, and I mean that in a good way. There's no finish line. You can relax now.
Jenna Free [00:26:17 - 00:27:05]: If you wait till you're done, you're either going to be forced to relax, right? Through paralysis, through a crash, through having no energy whatsoever, through getting sick. Or you realize, ah, you know, it's about balance and sustainability. So if you believe when I'm done, then I can relax, just observe this dangling carrot, right? It's like, okay, I just got to push through this, then I'll have the enjoyment. Just got to push through this day, this week, this month, this year. Well, how long has it been since you really, truly, 100% gave yourself time to relax with full permission? Without, I really should be doing that. Oh, I really should be doing that. Just like, wow, tonight's about chilling. I'm gonna go in the hammock and read.
Jenna Free [00:27:05 - 00:27:59]: Like, when was the last time you did that with full permission? Like, it's never gonna be done. So it's so dysregulating to do that. So instead of dangling that carrot, right? Because the analogy I'm using here is that, you know, the horse with the stick and the carrot, and then the more the horse walks is like the carrot never gets any closer, but it's just like dragging you forward. That's what we're doing. A belief you could shift that to that would be much more regulating is relaxation is a part of everyday life, right? No matter how productive or unproductive, quote unquote, I am every day, I still need rest. I still need relaxation. I still need some enjoyment to live a fulfilling and sustained and regulated life, right? So my to-do list will never be done. And so where does the relaxation go? For me, it's— I can really feel it internally, right? It's like the brain is no longer braining.
Jenna Free [00:27:59 - 00:28:19]: I'm done. Or I'm starting to feel fuzzy, you know, or like no good work is coming from me now. Now is rest time, or I'm just tired. Yeah. Right? Or just desire a break. All of that is perfectly valid. So just observe where you're dangling that carrot in a mean, cruel way, right? Never letting yourself eat it. Eat a carrot every day.
Jenna Free [00:28:20 - 00:28:46]: There you go. Eat a carrot every day. No more dangling that carrot in front of yourself, like forcing yourself. Just gotta get through this. If you have a life that you're just getting through, What is the point of all of it? Why work so hard if you're not enjoying any of it? And I don't say that in a nihilistic way. I say that in a like, let's start enjoying it way. So let's enjoy this life. You've worked hard.
Jenna Free [00:28:46 - 00:28:59]: You've achieved a lot. I know you have. Even if you're like, no, I haven't done enough. No. If you've made it this far and you're a grown-up and you're listening to this, you have come a long way in life. You've gone through a lot. You've done a lot. You've worked very hard.
Jenna Free [00:29:00 - 00:29:40]: When are we going to enjoy it? I hope you start leaning into the answer being like, every single day, now. All-or-nothing thinking can come in here where you're like, oh well, if I, you know, if I relax now, I'll never do anything. That's the dysregulation talking. Because when you are regulated, you really do have more capacity for balance. Like, I can do a little bit and I can rest a little bit and I can get some stuff done and then I can You know, take the night off and go with my friends, and then I can do this, and then I can do that. Now I'm going to do some work, and I'm going to hang out with my kids. You can have it all. We just got to get that nervous system and thinking regulated so you can find that balance.
Jenna Free [00:29:41 - 00:30:13]: All right, and the last belief I'm gonna bring up today is the category of beliefs that feed into the dysregulation cycle. So the dysregulation cycle is when We're in fight or flight where we have that frantic, intense energy. We're rushing. You may have overwhelm and then it tips into paralysis. All these different ways that dysregulation shows up— perfectionism, masking, all of that. And then you crash, right? And then you're frantic and then you're in that intense energy. Oh my God, I need to get so much done. And then you crash.
Jenna Free [00:30:14 - 00:30:49]: And round and round we go. So beliefs that feed into that cycle, of course, are going to keep us dysregulated. One that's very common is I can't trust myself to do this later, so I have to get it all done now. Can you see how that pushes that cycle even into more extremes? I can't trust myself to do it later, so I'm going to go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go until I can't go anymore, and then I crash, and then go see look, I was right. Couldn't trust myself. So glad I got that all done yesterday. It's like but that's the cycle. Like we're feeding it and making it bigger and bigger and more extreme and more extreme.
Jenna Free [00:30:49 - 00:31:26]: But the more we do that, we just get more evidence that it's true. So So it's really, really hard to get out of. So when you are thinking that, like, oh my gosh, I got to do this all tonight, and it's like 10 PM and you're still gonna do stuff around the house, you're like, well, I got to do it though while I have the energy because who knows if I'll ever do it later. Just observe that, like, oh, no wonder I crash. No wonder I'm exhausted at times because look at me right now. I'm go, go, go, go, go. I personally don't believe there's anything you need to be doing Productivity-wise at 10 PM. Some people are going to say, that's when I do my best work.
Jenna Free [00:31:26 - 00:32:18]: Is that because you're dysregulated though? Because when we're dysregulated in the day, we're in paralysis, we're feeling overwhelmed, you know, just because of it being the day or the workday or kids being up, we're feeling like there's so many demands. And then when everyone's in bed or it starts to be more quiet or the phone's not ringing and no one's expecting anything from you, now you can get up and do stuff. That's because you're dysregulated, right? When you're more regulated, you can be more consistent, right? All through the day, for me, I'm pretty similar, you know, productivity level. Do do do do do. Of course, I have some boundaries. I like to finish work at five, but it's not like cut and dry. Sometimes I'll do a bit of work in the evening if I need to, but quite rarely. If you are in that cycle, just observe where maybe you are feeding into it.
Jenna Free [00:32:19 - 00:32:49]: Of no fault of your own, and it's not conscious choice. But when you are dysregulated, it really does keep the cycle going. And if you have that belief, that's going to push you into more extremes. Because I've even had a client who was saying like, "Oh, my last ADHD coach said to you know take advantage of those energy bursts." You know, oh, it's just how we are. Just you know go with your brain, which I agree in many ways. But that's dysregulation. That's not your ADHD brain you're honoring. That's just dysregulation you're feeding into.
Jenna Free [00:32:49 - 00:33:09]: And those are two very. Different things. So we want to start telling the difference because I still have an ADHD brain. I still do things my own way. I still see a lot of my, you know, unique thinking. I still see some of the struggles and the things that I need support in. It's like a feather compared to a brick. It's so much lighter.
Jenna Free [00:33:09 - 00:33:44]: It is so much more manageable. I really have nothing to complain about in that regard. Whereas before You know, before I was doing this work, I had a lot to complain about. I was so overwhelmed, in paralysis all the time, on this roller coaster, you know, dangling the carrot. I had all this stuff, right? I was dangling the carrot, scarcity mentality. I felt like I needed to catch up, and I was stuck in the cycle. Oh, it's big and it's nasty and it's a beast, but that beast can be tamed. I really want you to observe those beliefs and thoughts this week.
Jenna Free [00:33:44 - 00:34:12]: Is this dysregulating or am I feeling regulated when I think this thought? The things that are going to be dysregulating are the things that are fighting with reality or the things that are pushing you into extremes. So like, there's not enough time in the day. How does that fight with reality? Because there is the time there is, but there's not enough time, but there's 24 hours, but there's not, but it's not enough, but there's 24 hours. Okay. You could fight that all you want. It is what it is. Right. Or I'm behind, I need to catch up.
Jenna Free [00:34:12 - 00:34:35]: It's like, well, I should be over there, but you're over here. But I should be over there, but you're over here fighting, fighting, fighting. And then the other 2 are more beliefs that keep you in that intense crash cycle. When I'm done, then I can relax. So it keeps us going until we crash. And I can't trust myself, so I have to get it all done now. It gives so much intensity that then we're going into those extremes. Yeah.
Final Thoughts and Upcoming Workshop
Jenna Free [00:34:36 - 00:35:38]: I'm so interested to see what you notice about your thinking, because this is just as important of a step as the nervous system regulation work. Because if we can get your thoughts and beliefs in line with the goal of regulation, of sustainability, slower, steadier, but more successful, it's going to be a much more successful life with this approach. Oh my goodness, you are going to be unstoppable. Right, because the nervous system's on board. It's understanding what the goal is here and it's working towards that. The thoughts and beliefs are on board, so they're aligned, so they're not triggering each other, right? Because when you have a dysregulating belief pop up, it's going to trigger your nervous system into dysregulation. So we're going to bring everything down to a regulated state and work from there. This went over the beginning of our belief systems, how we can start challenging them, mostly how we can be aware of them and aware of how they are dysregulating us further and not helping.Jenna Free [00:35:38 - 00:36:15]: But if you want to dive more into this, be sure to grab a spot in the workshop all about the beliefs that are dysregulating you, July 22nd and 23rd. One's a morning time, my time, and one's an evening. So I know a lot of my European Listeners are frustrated when my workshops are always in the evening and then it's in the middle of the night for you. So that the 22nd is going to be the earlier time. So that's going to be perfect for anyone not in the North American time zones or anyone who wants— prefers to do it in the day as well. So I can't wait to see you there. Let me know if you have any questions at all. Please rate and review the podcast if you find it helpful.
Jenna Free [00:36:15 - 00:36:30]: It's always such a good way to get this podcast out to more ADHDers, get this approach into more people's ears so that ADHD can stop being so hard and we can really thrive. So thank you so much, and we'll see you next week.