Interrupt ADHD and Perfectionism Patterns for More Freedom
You spent three weeks making changes to a work deck that was already done, tweaking fonts, moving boxes around, rewriting the same three slides for the fourth time. Maybe it shows up in your inbox, where a two-line reply takes forty minutes because you rewrote it four times. Or it's the errand list you can't start until you've mapped out the perfect route, and the perfect route never comes together, so nothing on the list gets done.
This is what ADHD and perfectionism look like in daily life. Most ADHDers treat it like a personality trait, sometimes even wear it as a badge. Jenna pushes back on that framing. Perfectionism operates as a defense mechanism your nervous system reaches for when it feels unsafe, and it's a pattern you can learn to soften.
The usual framing sounds like "at least I have high standards" or "I'd rather do it right than do it fast." Underneath that, though, is a nervous system holding up a shield against a threat that isn't actually there. When perfection feels required, avoidance climbs, overwhelm climbs alongside it, and the whole thing snowballs into procrastination, lateness, insecurity, and a life that feels heavier than it needs to.
Here’s what’s covered:
What ADHD and perfectionism look like once you get past the joke of "it doesn't have to be done, it just has to be perfect"
How ADHD perfectionism paralysis fuels ADHD procrastination and avoidance in ways most people never connect
Why ADHD overwhelm gets heavier when everything has to be done "just so"
The link between perfectionism, ADHD and lateness, and why the connection is more logical than it first sounds
How rigid perfectionism drains ADHD executive dysfunction and makes clear thinking harder
The 20/80 effort rule and where you're pouring energy that gives you almost nothing back
The role of ADHD nervous system regulation in loosening the grip of perfectionism
Why perfectionism is one of the sneakiest ADHD defense mechanisms and how to spot it in the moment
What imperfect action and taking action look like when perfectionism has been in charge, and why your nervous system will fight you the first time you try
A client story about work emails that saved her one to one and a half hours a day, with nobody at her office noticing the change
Perfectionism has convinced you it's helping. It isn't. It quietly takes your time and energy, chips away at your confidence, and dresses it all up as a virtue. The exit looks smaller than you'd expect. Do the one errand instead of orchestrating the perfect errand run. Send the simpler email, and a quick tidy can replace the hour clean. Your nervous system will flinch. Then it will notice you're still standing, and that's how the pattern starts to soften.
"This is not who you are, and it's not even your ADHD. This is a defense mechanism of the nervous system when it's in fight or flight."
If you're ready to work on this in real time with Jenna and a small group, ADHD regulation groups run on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. The next round starts on August 11th, 2026, with limited spots.
If you're a therapist, counselor, coach, or occupational therapist and you're watching clients get stuck in these same nervous system patterns, the ADHD Regulation Method certification gives you a framework to actually work with. Doors open September 2026. Get on the waitlist so you're first in when enrollment opens.
And Jenna's book, The Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation, is available wherever books are sold. Don't forget you can also check your local library.
Related Episode
71: How to Find Balance with ADHD All-or-Nothing Thinking
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More about ADHD with Jenna Free
ADHD with Jenna Free is a podcast for adults with ADHD who are done surviving their symptoms and ready to start thriving with ADHD, without the endless tips, hacks, and workarounds that have never really fixed anything. It's also the show where therapists, coaches, and counselors come to deepen their understanding of treating ADHD in adults and learn what regulation-based care looks like in practice.
Hosted by Jenna Free, a Canadian Certified Counselor (CCC) and ADHD therapist, this show exists to give you a completely different way of understanding ADHD in adults. You're stuck, overwhelmed, and exhausted because your brain is running on fight-or-flight. Willpower was never going to fix that, and once you understand that, everything changes.
I’ll answer questions like:
Do I have ADHD?
What is ADHD task paralysis, and how do I get unstuck?
Why is my ADHD getting worse in my 40s?
What do ADHD and perimenopause do to your brain?
How do I manage ADHD emotional dysregulation without medication alone?
Why do I procrastinate so much with ADHD?
Why don't ADHD tips and tricks ever work long-term?
What does it look like to thrive with ADHD?
What does nervous system regulation have to do with ADHD?
How do I stop feeling overwhelmed with ADHD?
How do I get trained to treat ADHD in adults using a regulation-based approach?
What does ADHD therapist training through a regulation framework actually cover?
This podcast covers the full experience of living with adult ADHD: the real science behind procrastination in ADHD and ADHD task paralysis, why ADHD and perimenopause collide in ways no one talks about, and the solution-focused conversations most ADHD podcasts aren't having. For practitioners, Jenna also gets into the clinical side: what nervous system regulation training looks like, how to apply a regulation framework with clients, and what ADHD coach certification and ADHD therapist training often omit. Jenna shares her own story throughout, what it looks like to go from chronically dysregulated to thriving, so whether you're living with ADHD or working with people who are, you can see what's possible.
This show gives adults with ADHD, newly navigating a late diagnosis, and clinicians seeking ADHD continuing education one thing: a clear path toward healing
If you're an adult with ADHD who's tired of the commiseration and ready for a show that believes your life can look completely different, or a practitioner who wants to understand ADHD at the nervous system level, you're in the right place.
The unedited transcript for this episode of ADHD with Jenna
Perfectionism: Inaction, Avoidance, and Overwhelm
Jenna Free [00:01:06 - 00:01:51]: So number one, it is going to add immensely to our inaction and our avoidance. If I have the pressure of things needing to be perfect, if I have the mountain to climb ahead of me of, oh God, I gotta do it at a level that is above and beyond and amazing every single time. My reaction is often going to be, why bother? I don't want to climb a whole mountain today, so I'm not going to do anything at all. So that is going to be adding to a lot of our procrastination struggles, a lot of our freeze struggles, and a lot of our avoidance. So that is something to observe. It's also going to add to our very big issue and struggle of overwhelm. Of course, it's overwhelming to think everything needs to be just so. Ugh, that's so tiring.
The Link Between Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Time Management
Jenna Free [00:01:52 - 00:02:42]: So just notice if you are procrastinating, if you are overwhelmed, but then you also know, oh, I'm a perfectionist. Okay, those are definitely intertwined. So if you are focused on all areas of something being done perfectly, of course, that's going to take a lot of time and energy. And I talk to a lot of ADHDers who say, it takes me so much longer to do my job than it takes my coworkers. Okay, but is that because you're actually slow or is that because of perfectionism? So one could be avoidance and procrastination. Yes, if you're not doing your job, it's going to take you longer because you took a month of doing nothing and then you still have to do the job versus someone else who maybe is not avoiding because they're not in perfectionism. They're just, you know, working away, doing their thing. It will feel like it takes less time.
Perfectionism at Work and Logic vs. Rigidity
Jenna Free [00:02:42 - 00:04:04]: But also, if you are actively working and you're thinking, well, no, it just actively takes me longer than other people, is that because so much of our energy is going to maybe little sections of, say, this work project that don't warrant it? Like, this is not an art project, yet we spent so much time making the slides look really beautiful and professional when maybe the purpose of the task was just communicating some information and it could have been done much more simply with the same results, with the same effect. Yeah. So that's something we want to observe. Another thing we can see that perfectionism creates is lateness, because if you do not have the flexibility to do things based on the amount of time you have, not based on the rigidity of how perfect it needs to be, you are going to be able to show up in a more timely manner. You'll start to see how perfectionism really takes us away from logic, because of course it doesn't make sense to prioritize cleaning your house to perfection over meeting your friend that's waiting for you. Like if we were really in our logical mind, which is gonna be more flexible and have a lot more nuance, we would go, okay, yes, I would like to clean this more later, but right now this is more timely. My friend's waiting for me. And then you're gonna be late a lot less.
Perfectionism and Lateness
Jenna Free [00:04:04 - 00:04:50]: And this is the same with trying to squeeze a few tasks in, in the morning. You know, ideally I would get this done and that done before I get to work, but then you're always late for work. So this does create a lot of hectic energy and will create lateness. So you probably have never connected that before, perfectionism and lateness, but that's another one we want to observe. Another thing that perfectionism causes is insecurity and never feeling like you're doing good enough. And that is mostly because perfectionism is not attainable, right? That perfect is not a real thing. So when you're striving for something that is impossible, You will always fall short. So if you are stuck in this way of thinking of perfectionism, and as we joke, like, it doesn't need to be done, just needs to be perfect.
The Emotional Toll of Perfectionism
Jenna Free [00:04:51 - 00:05:16]: I get that that's funny and I get why that's funny, but it's also slightly devastating because now I never feel good enough about myself. I'm always overwhelmed. I'm wasting time. I'm often late. I'm often avoiding and procrastinating. And then lastly, it's really hard to enjoy life when there's so Much pressure. When we are in perfectionism, we are zoomed in. Oh, this house needs to look just so.
Zooming In and Losing Perspective
Jenna Free [00:05:17 - 00:05:35]: This PowerPoint needs to look just so. This thing I'm doing for my kids needs to be just so. We are so zoomed in that the little things feel important. They feel heavy. They feel serious. Whereas if we were more zoomed out and had more perspective, we would go, no big deal. Like, chill out, self. It's all good.
The Seriousness of Perfectionism
Jenna Free [00:05:35 - 00:06:04]: And we would have a lot more fun and be enjoying life. So it is really not so funny. Perfectionism isn't something to joke about because it's really quite debilitating. And I'll tell you the good news, it is not inevitable. This is not who you are, and it's not even your ADHD. This is a defense mechanism of the nervous system when it's in fight or flight. If I'm perfect, no one can hurt me. If I do things perfectly, I am not vulnerable.
Perfectionism as a Defense Mechanism
Jenna Free [00:06:05 - 00:06:52]: It is like a shield. It is holding a shield up so there's no cracks, so nothing can get you. But the thing is, it is 2026, and I know this is making some assumptions, but you are probably physically safe. There is nothing to be fighting against, yet we are fighting this fight of it has to be just so, I have to protect myself. And that absolutely is going to make your life so much harder. Make your ADHD symptoms higher and more profound, and it will also affect your executive functioning. So we can't think as clearly and logically, like I brought up already, and it makes life very unpleasant. It is so hard to enjoy when there's this rigidity in our minds.
Finding Freedom and Regulation Work
Jenna Free [00:06:54 - 00:07:38]: If you are wanting to dive more into this and find freedom to do things at a level that's more logical, To be able to get things done with less effort, to enjoy life more. Honestly, that's my favorite part of this work. ADHD regulation groups are starting tomorrow, Tuesday, August 11th. We have a Tuesday group, a Wednesday group, and a Friday group. So if there are spots available, I highly recommend diving in. This is an approach you can live the rest of your life to reduce your symptoms and make life so much more fun. So how do we use regulation work to soften this so you can be free to do things at the level that makes the most sense? Because perfect is rarely required, even if you could attain it. Say you could make everything perfect.
The 80/20 Rule and Diminishing Returns
Jenna Free [00:07:39 - 00:08:34]: I forget what the exact percentage was, but I think it's something like the first 20% of your effort gives you 80% of your results. So if you do things like pretty decently, you're gonna get most of what you want out of achieving that thing. Whereas when you focus so much on that last 80%, but say even the top 20% of your effort, Like, oh, gotta do this detail work at the end. Like, it has to be perfect. So maybe you've created the work project and it's technically done, but now you're fussing about little things for 3 more weeks. That is giving you almost no return on that effort. So the more we get stuck into perfectionism, the more wasteful we're being with our energy and the more dysregulated we are becoming. Because every time we quote unquote give into that perfectionism, we are telling our nervous system, yes, this is dangerous.
Reinforcing Unhelpful Patterns
Jenna Free [00:08:35 - 00:08:53]: We do need a shield. We can't be vulnerable. We can't be vulnerable with mistakes. Everything must be just so in order to be okay. So you put a lot of effort into doing things just so, or you avoid it so you don't take that risk of kind of doing it imperfectly. And your system goes, okay, cool. We survived. We didn't die.
The Power of Interrupting Patterns
Jenna Free [00:08:54 - 00:09:16]: This must be a good way to do it. Let's keep doing that. So it really is a snowball effect. And this is why when I talk about regulation, I'm always talking about interrupting your patterns because your patterns train your nervous system to do things a certain way. So right now your pattern is do it perfectly. I keep myself alive. Great. Let's keep doing it that way.
Observing and Reframing Perfectionism
Jenna Free [00:09:16 - 00:09:44]: And we've already talked about what that creates, a lot of negative side effects. But we're going to keep doing it even though it's not very effective and it's a horrible experience. I know for me, at least it was. So here are some things you can consider. Number 1, we need to be aware of perfectionism as a defense mechanism, not, oh, hahaha, that's how I am. You know, kind of brushing it off like a joke. It's not a joke. It's actually kind of serious because it's really affecting things.
Naming the Defense and Starting Self-Talk
Jenna Free [00:09:44 - 00:10:15]: So we want to start seeing it for what it is. This is me feeling unsafe. This is me trying to protect myself. Ah, I see what's going on here. The next thing you're going to want to do after noticing it is there will be a bit of self-talk required because your subconscious and your nervous system are very used to the narrative and the belief that things have to be just so. It is not safe to do things partially. It is not safe to do things imperfectly. I want to say half-ass, but you probably feel like that's the worst thing you could do, half-ass something.
The Role of 'Half-Assed' and Challenging Old Beliefs
Jenna Free [00:10:16 - 00:10:57]: What a negative word. But sometimes half-assed is really effective. Like, that's what that task deserves. It's like a quick tidy, not a 1-hour clean, right? Sometimes that is what's most appropriate. So we need to get that self-talk from your conscious mind happening to counteract this message. So you're going to want to notice, oh, I see I'm stuck in perfectionism, whether that be I'm avoiding it because I don't want to do it imperfectly, or I'm really bogged down in it and I can't let this go or move on. We want some self-talk like, hey, it's safe to just take action and do it. Even if I don't know how to do it perfectly right away, it's safe to just figure it out as I go.
Taking Imperfect Action
Jenna Free [00:10:58 - 00:11:25]: Or it's safe to just start, even if I'm bad at it. So even for hobbies, we can feel like, well, I don't want to start in case I'm bad. Look, if you're starting something, you're at the start, you're going to be bad. It is safe To take imperfect action. It is safe to do things badly. You're gonna have to start creating a new narrative in your mind because you've had this old way of thinking, even if it's been subconscious, for so long. And then we want to interrupt. This is what I mentioned already.
The Necessity of Doing It Differently
Jenna Free [00:11:26 - 00:12:07]: If you keep doing things the way you're doing them, you are going to keep doing them that way. That's how we work. So if you don't want to keep doing things this way, we have to do things in a different way. That's the hard work of regulation. So we're going to be challenging your tendencies because we have to retrain that nervous system that it's safe to do things imperfectly. The only way to show your nervous system that it is safe to take imperfect action is to take imperfect action and then not be dead after. And I know that sounds so silly, but that's what your nervous system takes in. Oh, We just quickly tidied instead of being obsessive about making this room look perfect.
Evidence That Imperfect Action Is Safe
Jenna Free [00:12:07 - 00:12:26]: And hey, look, we're still alive. It's okay. Wow. That was less overwhelming. That was less draining. I kind of got the core of the job done and got the main table cleared off so I can work, whatever it is. Oh, that's kind of cool. You have to do the thing and then see the result to see that you are safe after.
Challenge Yourself This Week
Jenna Free [00:12:27 - 00:13:26]: So I get that that's uncomfortable. But when we're really intentionally doing this work, hopefully it doesn't feel totally impossible. So do one thing this week that challenges this perfectionism and really notice those wins and the fact that you're still here after. So say you want to run some errands, and in an ideal world, you're thinking, well, I'd go here first and I'd go there because that's only a block away, but then I should really also book my doctor's appointment at the same time. So I'll wait till I have a doctor's appointment booked because then I can get it all done at the same time, and that's in the safe quadrant of the city, and blah, blah, blah. But you're like orchestrating this perfect errand run, but it's probably preventing you from doing any of the errands or creating so much stress and such intensity and seriousness that like, it's all very painful and overwhelming. So for example, for that one, you might decide, okay, I get that it's not going to be done in the most perfect efficient order, but I have time to go do that one errand today. Yeah.
Imperfect Action in Practice
Jenna Free [00:13:26 - 00:14:02]: Let's go do that. I'm going to take imperfect action and just do part of what I see as the whole job, which might be all the errands on your list. But that's not true. We're kind of conglomerating things together and seeing them as one when they're not. You could easily, you know, go pick up your dry cleaning and not also go do those 4 other things on your list. That is allowed and that is possible. So you would go this week, just get the dry cleaning because you know you have time to do that. You come home, you go on with your day, and we really want to be conscious of taking note, oh, that's kind of cool that I could cross one thing off the list.
Client Example: Email Perfectionism
Jenna Free [00:14:03 - 00:14:28]: That was progress. That is taking action and moving things forward. Yes, there's still other errands I have to run, but that's one less I have to run now because I did it. Cool. Showing yourself, this is also another way to do things. And here's another example from one of my clients that was in ADHD group. She came. To the session where we talk about perfectionism and doing things just so.
Transforming Small Tasks
Jenna Free [00:14:28 - 00:15:04]: And she really noted that she is stuck in this with emails. So in her job, she has to write a lot of emails. She's like, I probably spend 2 to 3 hours a day writing emails and it's draining. It's so meticulous. They take forever. And I'm sure you might be similar where she would even reread them after she sent them, like so much. Just anxiety and perfectionism being wrapped up in these emails. So we looked at, okay, how can we challenge that? Is this really necessary? Does it really have to be this effortful? So she took that challenge on.
The Result of Doing Less
Jenna Free [00:15:05 - 00:15:43]: She went away for the week and she specifically was going to work on her emails. So she wrote her first email still with care, still professionally, right? We don't have to go all or nothing, but she wrote it just kind of simply, like get to the point, answer the question. Send, carry on. She did that for the whole week. She came back to the next session. She was almost mad. She's like, oh my God, I think I've cut out like an hour to an hour and a half of work every day and no one's even noticed. So she was being so meticulous with her emails in a way that was providing no positive outcome from all that effort.
No One Noticed the Change
Jenna Free [00:15:44 - 00:16:17]: Nobody even noticed when she stopped. Yeah. And that's probably a lot of what you're doing with perfectionism is when you stop, no one will care. No one will notice because it was not about the perfectionism. It wasn't about that you really needed to be that intensive. It was about you trying to soothe your dysregulation and feel safer. So when we let it go and you start to get that evidence of, oh, I can like get the job done, get to the point, move the needle, move things along. And it's a lot less effort, takes a lot less time.
Reclaiming Energy and Logical Work
Jenna Free [00:16:17 - 00:17:04]: I have more energy at the end of the day. I mean, think about this woman who now has an hour to an hour and a half more in her workday, but still is answering all her emails, right? We're not getting less done. We're not being careless and foregoing, you know, the tasks you want to do. It's just about doing it in a more logical and reality-focused way instead of a soothing dysregulation-focused way. So I really want you to start observing, and I do think being motivated to challenge this is an important part of this work because your system is comfortable in perfectionism. It's comfortable in avoidance even. It's comfortable in the illogical nature of it. Even if your conscious mind right now listening to this is like, oh, that makes so much sense.
Perfectionism as a Prison
Jenna Free [00:17:04 - 00:17:32]: We really got to get you bolstered and like, ooh, yes, I want to challenge this. So really observe how perfectionism creates a prison. It's like you are not in the driver's seat of your own body. I have to do it this way. It needs to be done in this one way. I have to do things in this order. I have to make this perfect. Why? Because your nervous system is at the wheel and it's creating a lot of havoc.
Compulsivity, Logic, and Letting Go
Jenna Free [00:17:33 - 00:18:23]: So this really can leave us with so little options, so little freedom. It becomes compulsive and it is completely illogical. We want to get out of this trap because none of it is helpful. I completely understand that a part of you feels like your perfectionism has helped you. It's made you able to show up in an intense way and get a lot done. But I'm here to say, and here to challenge, that that's probably not true. If you were to dial it back, be more in your logical mind, be more regulated, and take things on in a more balanced way, I have a strong suspicion, as I've seen with myself and over 1,000 ADHDers I've worked with, that you're going to have better results in this different approach. So if you only take one thing away today, perfectionism is a defense mechanism, and it is also an illogical one.
Takeaway: Perfectionism Hurts, Not Helps
Jenna Free [00:18:24 - 00:19:01]: I know a part of you feels like this is helping you, but I promise it is hurting. It does not benefit your life in any substantial way, but it'll sure steal your time. Your energy and your confidence. So take it seriously and take it on as something to interrupt and challenge more regularly. As we send off, just a reminder, the ADHD groups start tomorrow. I'm recording this ahead of time, but if there's still some spots left, I would love to work with you. If spots have filled, I will have a bit of a preregistration for the next round in October. If you know you wanna get that spot, so you know you have that Ready to go for the fall.Jenna Free [00:19:02 - 00:19:07]: Otherwise, can't wait to work with you in ADHD regulation groups, and I'll see you back next week for another episode.